Today is my first day on vacation and I was troubled with the news a young friend of mine brought to my attention at 11.00pm Nigerian Time, 1 week ago. I was quickly alerted because prior to this said date I have not heard from her for about 3 months.
My troubles came as a result of an internal turmoil from indecisiveness to maintain a stand on the issue of abortion………………….
After my young friend revealed, she was pregnant for a close friend of mine, who denied out rightly the responsibility of the child. I became angry, not with the two of them, but with my inability to come to a resolve on such issue; am I for abortion or not? Is it as easy as that, just to fall on one side of the divide or worst of all to be on the grey side of taking a stand and say things like it depends on the situation? I am a strong proponent of sticking to a principle until a higher principle causes me to re-think such principle but abortion always seems to throw me off.
Steven Covey’s book, “The 8th Habit†pointed out that the three constant elements in life are choice, change and principle but I am not comfortable with the element “principle†because I strongly believe it changes in perspective over a period of time. I have been a sticker for “sowing and reapingâ€, “friendliness breeds more friendsâ€, “a reader is a leaderâ€, etc but when it comes to issues like “sex before marriage†and “abortion when you are not prepared†poses a challenge to me because of the pros and cons of either stands you decided to take. This becomes frustrating to me when I asked my young friend what she wanted to do about the situation, she did not hesitate to say she wanted an abortion giving reasons like she was in school and she was not particularly in love with my close friend. I bided time for a favorable response by telling her to call me back.
Its one week today and I am still indecisive. I decided to take a feminine perspective by asking my wife; my dear, was I surprised by my wife’s legalistic stand of “abortion was wrong except it endangers the ladies healthâ€. Believe me, I was seeing my wife in a new way as she strongly opposed the prospect of abortion with series of evidences and stories; my wife has always been endearing to people and less principled on human issues but on abortion, her stand was forthright-no to abortion.
This caused me to take a long walk on a Monday morning, ruminating on the issue. After about 5 kilometers of my walk, I remembered a story by my mentor, Deolu Akinyemi, during a bible study meeting in my undergraduate days, which caused me to re-think on my stand of “no to abortionâ€;
A guy staying in Nigeria, who immediately after getting married was sent on training in the US, for six month without taking his wife. On the night of arrival, before sleeping with his wife, armed robbers attacked his house and raped his wife. This ghastly incident resulted to a post traumatic syndrome and eventually made the wife pregnant. I believe you can imagine the crisis this would cause in this couple’s home; what would you do in such situation. Let’s analyze the three choices that are open to this couple.
1. They keep the baby and the child becomes a constant reminder of the unfortunate night. The child will always cause a strain in the relationship especially to the man. Can you imagine the child 24 years after, asking the mother who is father is?
2. They go through the gestation period and eventually give up the baby to the motherless home or put it up for adoption. This looks good considering other options but a deeper look at this option, makes you think of the child, 24 years after, accusing the mom of abandoning him/her and bringing back unpleasant memories especially when the child asks for his fathers where about.
3. The easy way out may seem to just abort the baby but this also brings constant guilt to the mom and has its’ dangers include deeply emotional damage, physical damage to the uterus and death of the woman.
I am sure you must be overwhelmed with indecision by now, but not to worry because the consequences of aborting a physical child is not 0.5% as worse as aborting an inspired idea; this we do constantly without feeling any guilt. An aborted child ends the life of maximum six children at a go but an aborted inspired idea ends the life of billions of people. I will expand on this in my subsequent post………………………………
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8 comments
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arithakoku says:
May 9, 2006 at 12:18 pm (UTC 1)
Hello Dipo, thanx for raising this subject. Abortion is a very serious issue, especially now in Nigeria with all the talk on the Abortion bill being considered. The fact is that in every abortion, one life is lost and one woman is wounded.Abortion is not the end of a would be life, it is the termination of an already existing human being as his/her heart begins beating btw 18 and 25 days of concepton which is mostly likely before the mother even knows she’s pregnant. No matter the situation leading to pregnancy, we must never forget that the child is not responsible for his conception nor is he guilty of any crime. He/her has as much rights to life as any of us, so the mother should not deny the child of his/her rights. Abortion stops a beating heart and great personality to be might just be the aborted. Most importantly, we must not try to play God, cos thats what we do when we decide who lives and who dies in abortion. If God brings one to it, he’ll definitely bring one through it. Have a nice day.
Clementina says:
May 9, 2006 at 11:32 pm (UTC 1)
Thank you Dipo for this opportunity to comment. From the religious angle. Abortion is murder!!! We may try to rationalise or explain it away, but it doesn’t change the truth.
I believe there is a strong bond between mother and child. Aborting a child, no matter what the mother tells you, shall definetly NEVER leave her the same way she was before the abortion. For all her life, she will be wondering what that child could have grown up to become.
The lady with the unfortunate incident could give the child out for adoption. I think that will be lighter on her conscience than if she aborts the child.
Thank you.
Anonymous says:
May 10, 2006 at 12:36 am (UTC 1)
Hello,
Pls before you post more comments, i ll like everyone to PAUSE and THINK! Yes we are not supposed to. yes, yes, yes, yes,yes!.But it easier to be there and pass the judgement.Like i always tell people u can never no how it feels until u find yourself in the same PAINFUL position.
We have had wonderful comments so far.
Anonymous says:
May 10, 2006 at 2:06 am (UTC 1)
Thanks Dipo, talking about principles, in all situations, whether good or bad, our choices lead us to the consequeces of our actions. This is a basic principle. Before the action, your heart pounds, you either weigh the pleasure and trivialize the consequence or the converse. This could be said about both the pre-pregnancy stage and the this pre-abortion stage. My rhetorical question is, having made the first choice and faced the consequence, would she be willing to make a second choice in the same direction and live with the impending consequence? We are often forced to make decisions withing the boundaries of the present while we neglect the futuristic implicatiions of our present decisions. My advice in as much as i understand the pains of bearing an untimely child (not an unwanted child) is that the lady should try to forecast and see what the future holds with and without the child and make her choice.That way, she will be held responsible for her choice. lastly, deep in our hearts, we all know the truth and when we apply it…it sets us free.
kebruke says:
May 10, 2006 at 4:32 pm (UTC 1)
It’s not an easy decision, but it i believe it should be made. i know someone who was in the very same shoes as your friend’s some years ago, and she chose not to have an abortion.
truth is it wasn’s easy, facing her family and friends and the “brother” who denied, and the responsibility being a parent comes with, it just changed her whole course.
But my opinion, better to live being a parent than with a memory you would rather not live with.
Encourage her to do the right thing.
kebruke says:
May 10, 2006 at 4:33 pm (UTC 1)
It’s not an easy decision, but i believe it should be made. i know someone who was in the very same shoes as your friend’s some years ago, and she chose not to have an abortion.
truth is it wasn’s easy, facing her family and friends and the “brother” who denied, and the responsibility being a parent came with, it just changed her whole course.
But my opinion, better to live being a parent than with a memory you would rather not live with.
Encourage her to do the right thing.
Adeolu Akinyemi says:
May 13, 2006 at 10:46 am (UTC 1)
Abortion!!!
It’s a topic that’s extremely easy to pass quick judgemental comments about. It’s wrong, it’s murder, It’s the consequence of a choice…e.t.c. But can we really generalize?
First, I’ll tell you that my stand is, no to abortion. I’ll also silently mutter under my breath, that may I never have a reason to consider otherwise. Who no know, no know, it’s who it touches that knows.
I remember being faced with the dilema of helping someone decide about this some years back. She was raped! Rappist unknown. She was also young, immature, and not street wise (these were all good things, by the way), she came to me 3 months after…thoroughly confused. I thought it was an easy decision until she layed the story on me.Truth is, it isn’t an easy decision. I could do an analysis on the factors you could consider…maybe when Dipo posts his continuation.
That was when I learnt a lot of things, about threatening abortion, about aborting before knowledge of conception, about washing out the baby, about progesterone, about foetal abnormalies, about all sorts. I spoke with doctors, I read, I prayed, I thought. Which is a better memory? The thought of a child, and maybe a family destroyed, or the constant reminder of the “event”.
After that event, i came to one conclusion. Pray that you are free of evil, seek for knowledge/counsel quickly (you never need to know you are pregnant), Abortion never works. If it’s self inflicted live with it, you’ll be glad you did…and don’t kill your good ideas as well, God does not bring to the point of labour without delivering. If you are in pain in the course of your vision, something is about to happen!!!
January 26, 2007 at 6:41 pm (UTC 1)
whatever the case, we need to tell ourselves some truths. until something happens to you it is very easy to stand by the corner and pass judgements about what is good or bad. it is the person that is wearing the shoe that feels the pinch.
In this life one very important thing we have is the right to CHOOSE. i am not saying abortion is right or wrong, what i am saying is that if i am ever placed in that situation or if somebody else is in such a situation, then let us kindly have the right to CHOOSE
O’ Death! Where is thy Sting? - Dipo Tepede.POeT says:
January 26, 2007 at 7:47 am (UTC 1)
[...] I would like to part with a comment she made on this site on the topic “ABORTION†[...]
O’ Death! Where is thy Sting? - Dipo Tepede.POeT says:
January 26, 2007 at 8:04 am (UTC 1)
[...] -        Stella Odilli  I would like to part with a comment she made on this site on the topic “ABORTION†[...]
O’ Death! Where is thy Sting? - Dipo Tepede.POeT says:
January 26, 2007 at 8:08 am (UTC 1)
[...] -        Elizaphan Omerhi (federal Government College, Ijanikin Classmate)  “I am shocked, bewildered beyond words. My nerves shiver as i write in response to this , is still spoke to her recently and was echoing her praises to some of my colleagues in the office. Is this how life is? What kind of country is this? What kind of demon is it that exists on that apogbon bridge? What kind of law nforcement agents do we have? Is this really a nation? I have so many questions. Tears have refused to flow; it has been replaced with anger, anger, and anger for the kind of system we have in this country. This is obviously not the first time this kind of incident has happened at Apogbon , what have the authorities done about it? Are we all going to sit in our comfort zones and allow things to rot in this nation? If the older generation can’t do anything about it, then why can’t we. I am so full of ANGER, at the police at the Lagos state govt and at the Fed Govt for the kind of system we are running. I very well understand it happens everywhere, but is it only this country? ARMED ROBBERY, ASSASINATIONS, PLANE CRAASHES name them. All the perpetrators have NEVER been found. If it lies in my power and GOD knows if am in a place of authority, ALL THIS SHIT, has got to STOP. Please guys, let’s rise up an take the Bull by the HORN. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. If any one has ideas, please let them roll, and let us do something. R WE SAYING IT IS NO LONGER SAFE IN THE STATE WE CALL HOME’?†-Adeola Olabode (Ijanikin 95 Classmate)  We in “Dipo Tepede.POeT†remember her very much and I for one cannot forget her statement to me when she saw me at the End of Year Dinner for Ijanikin Student Association. She said and I quote “I love your write-up; you write very well, the way you are going, I know you have a vision for something very big, please share it with me.†I could not share with her because I was too shocked to accommodate such accolade from a woman who has achieved so much in terms of community participation, national building and global recognition. She has put smiles in the face of so many; she is the Rose that beautifies the environment and even when the Rose withers away she transforms into the manure that continue to inspire growth. This is one lady out of many in Nigeria and indeed the world. Can the sting of death touch her? Hear what her close friend said;“First of all, the devil is a liar and the father of all liars. She will not die but live to declare the glory of God. I want to please implore those of you who know how to pray and fast, to please start doing that now. If you have a prayer group, please ask them to pray and fast right now. Let us ask Jesus Christ to raise this friend of ours from the dead. She has not finished the work God created her to do on this earth. This is a radical request, I know, but we serve a God of miracles. We always claim that Jesus Christ is the resurrection, now let us prove him in this. Please everyone, let us rise up and bombard the gates of heaven and not give God rest until she rises from the dead again, and she testifies that Jesus is truly Lord over the living and the dead. Those of you who can go and see her family please persuade them to take her to the Reinhard Bonnke Crusade in Ado Ekiti. It’s taking place between January 24th-28th. I heard that one man of GOd was raised from the dead sometime ago. Please everyone, we must not allow Satan to win this one.Jesus said that if we believe, all things are possible. Please please everyone, fast and pray.â€-        Stella Odilli  I would like to part with a comment she made on this site on the topic “ABORTIONâ€â€œThank you Dipo for this opportunity to comment. From the religious angle. Abortion is murder!!! We may try to rationalise or explain it away, but it doesn’t change the truth. I believe there is a strong bond between mother and child. Aborting a child, no matter what the mother tells you, shall definitely NEVER leave her the same way she was before the abortion. For all her life, she will be wondering what that child could have grown up to become. The lady with the unfortunate incident could give the child out for adoption. I think that will be lighter on her conscience than if she aborts the child. Thank you.†[...]