Hi Rosemary,
It's really painful when such things like this happens to a person, especially when there has been no reason for an outsider (whether ex- or not) to come and start trouble in one's «marriage»!

I cannot belittle the situation you are in, by telling you «THE SOLUTION IS SIMPLE».
I am not a marriage counsellor, and even if I had the experience in Counselling as a professional, there are no «magic-pills» for a troubled relationship, not even in a marriage setting!!!

But, if I may offer my sincere advice:

I'd say, from your story, I found out the following:
1. There has to be something that makes her confident that she can return to marry your husband.
2. The woman is troublesome, because she has lost. And I perceive your husband is doing better now, financially, than when they were together 6 years ago, if not, she wouldn't be trying to force her way through.
3. You are really scared, and it shouldn't be that way because you are the one legitimately in the marriage. (except there are things that aren't clear here)

4. You're spiritually alert, so that means you can see that there might definitely be a reason to involve your Spiritual leader (your Pastor, or something) so that you can gain a better understanding of the spiritual implications that may follow any action you take.

Nevertheless, I would first and foremostly ask that you stay patient (very important), and don't repond to her utterances or it will keep getting you worried the more.

At this juncture, I feel you need to have a serious dialogue with your husband (not to make him feel guilty oh), but to strengthen you trust, and love. This is because you need to make sure that there are no loop-holes that exist in your marriage, so that as you fight to stabilize your marriage to your dear husband, people will not find you guilty as things begin to unfold.

If all is well between you and your husband, only time will tell that there is no way for her to get your husband. I believe your husband is a responsible man, knowing fully well that he has 2 kids to cater for, and legally married wife. He should be careful, and should not grant any opportunity for the «strange woman» to lure him into his destruction. This is VERY VERY IMPORTANT. So talk to your husband in a loving manner, and make him realize that you're here for him, and do things that would make him constantly enjoy his marriage so that NO MATTER WHAT IS OUT THERE «THREATENING HEAVEN AND EARTH», your bond is well secured.

I hope you even get to read this. And if you do, I'll like to know how well you've handled it.
Or better still, let me not even ask.

Opeyemi E. Obafemi
+234 808 764 7749
opedolls@yahoo.co.uk

God will fight for the righteous ones. His ears are open to their cry»

i'd like to talk to like a relationship counsellor,where can i find one??my husband's ex has been calling him and sending the both of us all sorts of INSULTIVE txt messages and emails and its driving me nuts.We dont know where she got our details from and she jus resurfaced after 6years,she dumped my hubby then and she feels overwhelmignly gulity and desperate now.i dont know know what i want i or my husband to do.i have 2kids and it really annoys me evrytime i need to scream at the psycho on the phone.she said she is determined to marry him or i wont stay married.what do u people suggest??most importantly ,please include me in ur prayers henceforth please

I have read this article almost a year ago, and it's still here.
Wow!!! Dipo, that your database is doing very fine...I tell you.

Anyways, Every woman must understand her place else she would be toyed with by a man.
One of the most cherished women in my life had a simple problem, which happened to be my own priority : UNDERSTANDING !!! She thought everything was wrapped up in «LOVE»...but, «Hello?» The man you love can only provide for your needs that you have made him understand, and vice versa. Understanding comes with direction in any relationship, and so both parties must work with a vision for the present, and the future to create their BEST TIMES in marriage!

Happy reading, friend.
Great Job!
+234 808 764 7749
Team 100,
Online Program Director (NIGERIA)

Thanks 4 dat piece. You really delved into the imbrogllio about the feminine folk proper. But, that is Women 4 you.(or let's follow Fela Anikulapo Kuti Stuff, I mean, they are not Women but Ladies). You would listen to that one that says she can't love the guy 100% and meanwhile, the guy does 4 you 150%. The bunch of Ladies we have don't even know what they want;, show them wads of naira notes and the next day, the are sprawling your residence like flies, yet they still claim being wise.
Nice write up, keep it up.

maybe you should write from the female perspective since you got the male perspective locked down..but most guys shrink at the mention of committment from their galfriend so its kinda hard for the gal to bring up marriage(dats practically proposing)

hi dipo,

im kinda confused abou your perspective on female intuition and attitude to relationship. i have found that the only man who has a true, passionate, and gifted insight into women is T.D.JAKES. he understands where people come from and God's intention for women on earth.

there are no hard and fast rules about women and their abilities/inabilities. different strokes for different folks applies in womenland. everything you have set out has been propounded so many times that its by the grace of God that i can actually say that it is not all true, with God all these theories are washed away. i would suggest that you go and look for TD.Jakes' book titled 'cover girls'. its a classic novel that delves into women's minds.

however, from a fellow writer, big up for your courage in delving into such tricky areas.

God bless the rain that kept me in my office to check my mails today!Dipo, i am sure by now, you will be tired of me saying thanks for the opportunity to be part of this, this article is very inspiring, though i dont agree with some of the issues here.
I have seen over time ladies that were open about themselves and how the men they were open to, changed as a result of the issues discussed, not every man is matured in handling issues, so most times sisters take their time before they open up to any man,as for committing to relationships, i agree to the fact that women are emotional but you really cannot seperate the man from the relationship as the man is the reason for it in the first place, so this will be hard but from the example you gave, the best thing to do is see the big picture which is the end product. i agree totally on being in a relationship based on purpose, as Miles Munroe will always say, if the purpose of a thing is not known abuse becomes inevitable! so when the purpose of a relationship is not known, abuse of it becomes inevitable! so i will suggest sisters especially take this to heart. Every human being deserves to be treated good, so lets sow good seeds into our relationships that will bring great harvest!

Hi I really appreciate your writeup its interresting and educative
There is an issue which I really want to stress and I know definitely
that it will help out any body that is ignorant of that.
I want to talk about untrustworthiness in girls and it's aftermath
lets for instance when you a guy who is very loving,caring,lavishing and what aview gets a girl and shows her all these love you find out that after sometime the girl will start
missbehaving this is becouse she might be feeling that the guy
cannot do without her cannot even love again if not with her
this conception in the heart comes out into implementation and actuallisation especially when something warrants them to be physically separated and it's effect hits first on the guy becouse
he has been faithful to his girl he has really trusted her to last.
And when issues of infidelity starts from the side of the girl
you know you can be covering a sin but it can never be hidden for ever one day those secret affairs will come to the open.You that there is nothing like betrayal of trust, it is as dangerous as any thing one could think of.In the first instance you find out that the guy after cautioning for some time he will be tired since he is not with the girl.The next option which he will definitely device is to overlook every thing she is doing and concentrate with his life,but in other to pay back in the same fold he will still be keeping in touch with the girl but in his mind he has really cancelled the idea of marriage may be by the time the girl's lovers must has dried the oil and gone there way in search of good girl she will then fall back to you by then you know quite alright that nothing positive is going to happen between both of you again.Then age may have counted a lot on her and she will
be left troubled in the heart and the counscience will then take it's course on her.My advice is that girls should resist any form of temptation that will lead to betrayal of trust and be contented with what ever is within her reach.

I was just to add a drop of water to an ocean, i sure hope it makes sense....I needed to point out that the disposition of being made a 'male' and a 'female' naturally must never be forgotten.

way to go sir but i think your reasons are not totally true.
in the case of communication some men feel a woman should always take the back seat and let the man do the talking.per adventure you the lady earn more than the guy,your outgoing nature would be interpreted as trying to dominate the man.