hi dipo.nice write up.
u made some points..
however, i do not agree with the idea that a lady should be slapped by her partner be
cause she did something very offensive.i feel hitting a woman is wrong ..no matter
the offence(except maybe she's an assasin and u are hitting her in self defence!haha)
)....i really feel bad when i hear people discussing about wife battering and the first
thing the guy says is 'what did she do'..then later he says'that served her right'

first and foremost.there is no relationship without CONFLICT, it's how you handle
the conflict that matters...so the issue of physical abuse being justified by conflict/
bad behaviour by the partner ,doesnt go down well with me...
secondly, let's just imagine that the same woman is his boss at work(and not his lover)NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHE OFFENDS HIM HE PROBABLY WILL NEVER EVER raise his hand to hit
her.. because he's trying to keep his his job...
what am i trying to say..two people can treat u in the same annoying way, your boss
and your lover..A GUY WOULD NEVER HIT HIS BOSS..but 'in our society' it seems ok
and even 'macho' to hit ur girlfriend or lover' if she deserves it'
it's all about self control and not what anyone does to u....CONFLICTS ALWAYS COME
IT IS HOW U HANDLE IT THAT MATTERS.
no guy should be patted on the back for beating up his wife..there are more sensible
and mature ways to handle relationship issues ..
it's pity, we dont 'sue' so much in Nigeria.....if not some men would be in jail by now,
for almost killing their partners, BECAUSE OF LACK OF SELF CONTROL!

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I am a young girl in my middle twenties. I am kind of facing some challenges about marriage. My mother wants me to get marry as early as possible. Mostly to a guy I brought, though I brought the guy home to show them but now and kind of confused. I am not sure am in love with in him anymore. My mother said maybe because we have been dating for almost two years then that is why I am fed up of the relationship. I have sat myself down several times to understand why I don't love him anymore but I can't just say. Though he is a nice and caring guy but he gets angry easily, mostly he doesn't take to my advice, we really don't have conversation together, he wants to be around me all the time and he English is poor.
I just meet a guy, though we have been friends for some years now but not too close. I fall in love with him.
The question is it the new guy that made me realize I don't love this guy or is it natural. I am confused, my mother wants me to get marry to the 1st guy next year. But I really don't want to but she never allows me rest in the house to the existence of her calling the other not to ruin her daughter's life.

Please I need a motherly advice do I go on with the wedding or what?
Thanks

I read the story and i certainly would not be quick to say that women are to be blamed. Sometimes, like the bible says the heart of man (male/female)can be desperately wicked. What do a female do when a guy she stood by for 6 years suddenly wakes up to tell you that the family just realised that they cannot go ahead with the wedding plans because they dont feel like traveling outside of Lagos? I mean this is a guy who has been faithful to a relationship ffor 6years? This is someone who cannot take a decision except she agrees and practically do everything with the lady in question making the lady to sacrifice everything she has even to the point of loosing teeth via an accident on her way back from giving financial assistance to the supposed man of her dreams? Would you say she is not committed to the relationship? For all these i would just say something it takes the grace of God and i still stand by what the bible has written and believe that it is only God that can give any man/woman the relationship that would bring peace that only God himself can give.

yes,it helped,dat u responded to me sure helped

Hi opedoll$,i am so very grateful u responded.i had checkd for sometime and wen i didnt see a reply,i decided to relax then check back much later.
this sitaution has been goin on for over a year now and when it started,evry1 i told was so sure she got all the info from my husband but time has proved it is not true.she just knows someone we know very well,i dont think she is confident,she is just troublesome.my husband actually ignores her calls with so much ease its amazing,every number she uses he doesnt pick,evry txt he deletes w/out readin,he has blocked all her email addresses,she has opened 6new email addresses and he cant be bothered.i am actually not scared,i am just angry or i was just very angry particularly the day i posted the message,i was thinking of tellin our pastor but i just feel he will tell me to keep prayin and keep ignoring her(my husband tells me to do same).
he has been tellin me for over a year now that she will not dare to come to our matrimonial home but i must say i was scared she could kidnap my kids from school or something,he assures and reassures me she will not dare.i didnt reveal the funniest of all these to you,they were seein each other for 10weeks before she dumped him,he was actually really pained then(a story he had told me a long time ago) but it was all a thing of the past.
i and my husband have talked about it severally and it even upsets him i am allowin her get to me,he assures and reassures me but i guess i just dont like the calls.
i sincerely dont know how she got my number,as much as i know gsm wasnt in the country then but i and my husband have been usin the very 1st sims we ever bought after GSM came,we dont know how she got our details at all,she once sent me a txt saying she is comin to my house(wrote down my address) to take her hubby i stole away from her.
even before i met my husband he had dated someone after the gir.y she is after him is still hard to fathom?she always thinks it fun to tell me his every location when he's outta town and its always true.
after all said and done,i trust my husband,i am actually very very very sure she is jus a troublesome person.i hate it that am playing with my kids or we are doing homework and she calls.its really annoyin.
u said i should let u knw how i dealt with it,guess its how am dealing with it.u know as a woman,i had been standing up to her and taking the calls but my husband's advice is d best.am not saying a single word back again.i have now left it completely to God.i still wont mind prayers from evry1.its never too much.have a great weekend

I totally agree with u on most of your points. A lot of women have a lot to learn from reading this article especially the importance of open/sincere communication, self discovery and having a purpose,but i disagree about one thing.
Trust is not Love:from your write up will i be right to conclude that u expect women to give an excuse for their man's imperfections including their unquenchable desire for the fairer sex. In other words will you suggest that i accept a man's excuse for infidelity since they claim to be natural polygamists

Just one more thing:
How did she get your husband's no. or your no.?

That should tell you that she is getting tips from someone that knows you a bit closely, or at least someone that has your phone no.?

One other thing is this:
Think back, and ask yourself, «When she start making her nasty calls?
That also would tell you something about whoever gave her that no., and if not, then it may help you understand how much information she has about you and your family, so that you can be more careful with the people you talk to.

Hope this helps!

I wish you and your husband well.

But in all, let God fight for you.

Take care, ma.