What’s Love Got to Do with it?
Average time to read3:09 minutes aprox.The word love (in the context of male and female relationship) is often misconstrued; no wonder people use it in the context that totally disagrees with the real meaning of it. If I ask you what love is, you will definitely pause to think about it and the answer you will give may be right or wrong depending on your life experience. Before, I delve deep into this topic, I would love you to read and think about a story I got from a fellow blogger using Bellanaija as her pseudo name. This story actually prompted this article. Please, read on;
Here is my story. I just moved to the states some months ago. I recently started my MBA but moved here some months early to settle down. I have a girlfriend back in Nigeria and we dated for about 7 years. I met her during my 100 level at university and we have been together since then. Before I left Nigeria, I proposed to her, introduced myself to her parents and made it known that I will be back next year to marry her. I even told my parents and they are making preparations. My fiancée is a sweet girl, I was her first boyfriend and I know she will make a good wife.
Here is my problem; I met this other girl when I arrived in Boston. At first I thought we could be just friends ‫ that did not work. I thought it was just a fling ‫ it is deeper than that. I am in love with her. I no longer answer my fiancée's calls or emails. I heard from some friends that she is quite depressed due to my new attitude but I can't help myself, I have never felt the way I feel about my new girlfriend.
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The Marriage Factor
Assuming the guy had married the lady of 7 years relationship. Would he be asking for help? I doubt it because the answer to the issue would be very clear. In order to validate the other relationship, other factors like love come into play. Therefore, the guy is going through a perspective issue which is definitely psychological. If the general definition of love is a strong feeling for the other then it’s basically psychological. Why? You may ask. Well, have you ever seen a corporate lady, driving an official car, fall in love with a ‘molue’ conductor or an ‘okada’ driver? This is rare and almost impossible. This clearly indicates that the strong feelings come as a result of a defined boundary like religious affiliation, educational background, economic status, etc. This calls for a redefinition of what we define as love
 The Lust Factor
Words like crush, lust, being fond of and love are sometimes used interchangeably. Could this be true? Let me define them in the way they are normally used; Crush is a strong feeling you have for someone who is not aware of those feelings; Lust is a strong feeling that controls you instead of you controlling it- this feeling dictates every move you make and it normally occurs with someone you are not familiar with; Being fond of is having a strong feeling for someone without knowing why; Love is a strong feeling you have with someone you are familiar with < familiarity in terms of knowing the strength and weakness of the individual>. The common factor between these four variables is strong feeling though the degree of intensity may differ. Then, how can one differentiate between these four elements? This is exactly what makes the above story a definition issue. In differentiating between love and lust; it is noteworthy that time does not define familiarity but familiarity can not be defined without time. Does this guy love the Boston girl or the Nigerian girl? This question can only be answered by the guy involved in a solitude platform.
 The only option
It is very easy to pass the blame on the guy and it even seems justifiable to do so but on a deeper perspective both the Boston lady and the Nigerian lady have their share in the whole issue. Perusing my older articles like You Get What you Deserve, All Men are Bad, 7 Reasons why Females get Hurt in Relationship and Love Wan Titi would provide the needed answers. The only option to avoiding this scenario is a personal relationship with God through His Holy Spirit…………
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23 comments
3 years and 7 months ago
Hi, i must say that i find ur articles very intresting, educative and inspiring.more power to ur elbow
3 years and 8 months ago
I felt for the lady concern because 7 years is not 7 months. But I leave one word of encouragement to her, «a broken relationship is better to a broken marriage». I pray that God will help her to understand this.
3 years and 9 months ago
Case closed on that then...@Dipo
3 years and 9 months ago
@ Angela
I strongly recommend a personal relationship with God!
3 years and 9 months ago
@Dipo
You are rigth about all that....but what can she do?
The only person you have any power over is YOURSELF!!
....since he has broken the trust between the two the lady one one choice as any strong woman should do,that has not been «conditioned» is to MOVE ON.....
OR what do u say she does?@Dipo
3 years and 9 months ago
@ Angela
I really appreciate your comments.
But, how did you know her heart is not in it?
She is as good as married to the guy. Just because she does not have a ring in her finger does not makes a difference. When a man commits to a lady, heaven has witnessed it. Just because I did not sign a legal document or say my oath in front of a priest, you think it makes a difference. Thats where the issue lie; its called perspective.
Lets call a spade a spade; the guy is undergoing a perspective and a definition of love issue.
@ Bellanaija
Wow, its good to have your comment; you know I pilfered the story from your site (lol).
Anyway, thank you very much for the compliments.
3 years and 9 months ago
Like u said I am married
I married you would expect commitment. you have to understand this guy had not made the finally commitment...he has promised to marry( understand I am not say this is rigth) but the best of both evil....What do u want the girl in Nigeria to do?? still marry the guy??.....No way a man that could not protect himself in less than a year?...He could not make male friends??
Please my dear! She should be happy he did not marry when his heart and mind was not in it.
I still stand will that opinion.
3 years and 9 months ago
Thanks Dipo,
This issue really bugged be honestly because Nigerian guys have decided to make this kind of behaviour a habit....
I got further details on this issue and from all indications, this man, though he is nearly 30 is immature in the arena of relationships and is def not ready for marriage.
I will do a follow-up soon.
Cheers Dipo...awww ur wife and child are really cute
3 years and 9 months ago
@ Angela
You make me understand you are married for 11 years; are you making me understand that if your husband travels out to a place that expands his horizon and goes with another lady. You will actually be happy it did not happen 30years down the line?
3 years and 9 months ago
Hi
I would like to add..I know it sounds really bad after 7yrs of a relationship and eveb PROMISE to marry,If his feelings are stronger with the Boston lady...I would say he shoul tel down the 9ja Lady and move on....you do not marry out of loyalty or pity!
If he has no intention of livin in 9ja...one would say his horizon has changed or expanded and he want so has his feeling...
I know it would be hard for the 9ja lady but I would say to her ...be happy now that you did not marry him only for him to make her misarable the rest of your life.
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