Conditioning is a major hindrance to successful venture and this has been proven time and time without a specific number. Most of this conditioning are agreed by a collective set of people and later disburse by the same collective body or by another wiser collective body that sees the potential barrier of this conditioning. Conditioning is everywhere; it’s actually the mainstream but is it every conditioning that is bad? Not all conditioning are bad in itself but all conditioning hinders success. No wonder clauses like “thinking outside the box†makes you a mega star in your chosen field of accomplishment and all you did were to re-condition your mind set.
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We have been conditioned to believe only men can ask a woman out, only men are allowed drink beer and smoke, at one time only men were allowed to wear a pair of jeans, you must be interviewed wearing a suite (and not just any suite – black, navy blue or grey), you must marry in front of a man in authority (a priest, imam, judge, etc), etc. Well the list goes on and on. The problem with conditioning is that it prevents self awareness which is the major prerequisite to any successful project one undergoes in life. If you are not aware of your potential, your SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity and Threat), your purpose, your value, etc you are simply under the influence of a major conditioning. There is no difference between you and that robot programmed by man.
Do I advocate being a social misfit? No, I advocate knowing yourself. Well, before I deviate from the real topic here, let me tell you the reason why I am painstakingly writing this piece. It’s simply because of my dear females and their general beliefs emanating from years of conditioning. A lady has a strong feeling for a guy and waits patiently for the guy to ask him out. Its normal isn’t it? It’s absurd, what the lady has simply done is put her happiness in the hands of a man. If the man feigns ignorance despite her gesticulations and cunning way of expressing her feelings; she is doomed. She worries about it day and night, she wonders what to do, and she seeks advices and eventually prays about it. Wow, it isn’t easy being a female. Let’s turn the table around, if it was a man undergoing the same condition, he may be very shy but he would be forced to ask the girl out eventually. If the lady gives him a negative answer, he is disappointed and lives with it. He knows he has asked the lady and can eventually move on with his life.
To tell the truth, a man undergoes a lot when trying to ask a lady, he has feelings for, out. It’s not easy at all; he has to think of the repercussion of a negative answer and the fact that his tender heart would be shattered. If it goes the positive way, he is overjoyed but if it doesn’t, well I am sure you already know the answer. But there is something good about asking, he eventually gets fulfilled, he is seeing the light, he has eliminated fear and no matter what the answer his; he gets peace from all the agony of ignorance. Let’s move to a different level, feelings are funny and they are subject to change. It would not change until a different mindset is absolved. Let’s take an example;
Ade (a male) and Shade (a female) are friends. Shade sees all the quality of a future husband in Ade and starts to envision Ade as a lover. Before long, Shade develops strong feelings for Ade and his nonchalance attitude starts annoying her. She wonders why he seems not to have the same feelings, and then she concentrates all her energy on him, thinking about him day and night. She becomes hooked and says things like ‘I don’t understand myself, why am I behaving like this?’ She looses concentration all the time and seems as if she is in love. Do you know all this strong feelings can change in just one single moment?
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38 comments
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May 11, 2007 at 1:57 pm (UTC 1)
Hello all,
i have indeed enjoyed everyone’s contribution but if the truth has to be said what works for one person may not work for the other, yes the norm is the man doing the chasing but i have also seen cases where the woman makes herself available, ask and it works fine without any STRANGE feeling! if the truth has to be said, most times a woman knows by intuition that the person coming around her is her husband and if she is a spiritual woman,and he is delaying in asking, she prays and his eyes gets opened like Hagar to see the well that saved Ishmael- Gen21-19. The issue of Naomi and Ruth is another case and this worked out. In India as i hear, its the woman that marries the man so i am sure she will do the asking!So for me, i think its a thing of the heart, if a lady sees a guy she likes and she makes herself available by getting close to him and if the
friendship moves on, she can ask those probing questions that can make him interested and know her intentions but if she think thats not the way to go, she can remain quiet and let him speak to her years after or better still have the courage to speak to another person that will be his wife.
For me, the the real issue is that women sustain the asking as a lot of men will ask but its the lady that will make sure everything leads to the altar by her actions and patience!
March 4, 2007 at 12:57 am (UTC 1)
Ok. My first visit and I’m liking this site. I’ve read a bit of the older posts and I plan on continuing ltr. Personally I don’t make first moves ( and no one does it like my vivacious roommate-lol). For whatever reason it’s just important for me that I don’t. Sorry about Clementina. My boyfriend went to Ijanikin and I’ll definitely mention it to him when next we speak. Great work Dipo.
March 2, 2007 at 4:05 pm (UTC 1)
If you notice that a guy has feelings for you, and you like the guy,all you need to do is be his friend. You don’t need to be day dreaming about how you’ll walk the side of the sea shores together, or how you will go for candle light dinner when you are not even in talking terms. Just try and catch his attention by passing a nice comment like, I like your shirt, Nice shoes etc or a hello with a warm smile.Then with time the relationship builds up. On another thought while ladies don’t like sending signals first is that some guys are lousy and they will tell their friends that she did. This is quite embarrasing so you see ladies die in silence. During my NYSC, I liked a guy and he liked me but we were looking for the first person to make the move. We were all chatting under a tree one day and I just said what music are you listening to? and that was it. He later confessed that he thought i was a snub and i felt he was one too. So not making the move may be because of a wrong impression you have about the other person. If you like him girl go for him. At least you are not the one to propose “the will you marry me”.
March 2, 2007 at 2:58 pm (UTC 1)
@ Wumie
I love your comment!
good one……………..
March 2, 2007 at 2:49 pm (UTC 1)
Well, i guess there’s a way we ladies can go about this thing. I got my hubby by making a few moves even tho they weren’t staight to d point.( I knew he liked me though). I think men (especialy one that likes u) get thrilled when we make some unexpected moves, they enjoy the attention ‘cos my hubby recently asked why i’ve stopped being so bold about my feelings, he complained that i was gradually losing my spark( can u imagine!).
NB: we’ve beem married 5yrs with two kids and he still wants all the attention, men are really babies aren’t they?I’ve actually been very busy for the past 4 weeks with work and a professional exam around the corner.
**The point is if u see a man u like and u feel he also has some feelings for u, go 4 him gal! give him some attention, men love attention too.
January 29, 2007 at 10:56 am (UTC 1)
I beleive i’m totally in agreement with Dipo on this issue. We all have our minds conditioned in differing directions for differing situations and circumstances probably based on our backgrounds and upbringing.
Specifically regarding our feminine homo sapien species, especially those with melanin (black pigment on the surface of the skin), they expect the men to make the moves to initiate a relationship, make the moves to tie the knot (proposing marriage), make the moves to do the act for producing offspring … this is the part i really do not understand.
Even when you’re alone with them in a room, they’d rather just sit and talk with you instead of making the move to kiss or …, no matter how much they may actually want to. They just seem to believe it would be wrong of them.
This might not be such a wrong form of conditioning for some men but for others, it makes them feel the women folk are not sensual enough or are not physically attracted to them. The physical attraction in a relationship has to be seen to mutual.
Some of our women folk need to find a balance between being sensual and being decent! Just my opinion!!!
This does not preclude the fact that men also have their own various forms of conditioning too.
January 24, 2007 at 4:39 pm (UTC 1)
@ Dipo
Thank you for this piece, I very much agree with you on this subject matter. You see “God works in mysterious ways His wonder to perform” but, we humans always like to think that we can reduce His words to our own understanding. The scripture that says “he who finds a wife” in this context should not be mistaken for it must be the man that must do the asking. Going back to the Bible, I think alot of reference is made where women led in the salvation of their family, nation and even the world.
We should at no time condition the minds of ladies to assume that they have to wait for us. At the point of His resurrection, Jesus appeared to Mary. Why? why not a man or does it not matter?
How about Ruth and Boaz, what do we call her stategic positioning? Ruth 3 verses 1-4.
As a man, I will definitely respect any lady that has feelings for me and will never treat her ruthlessly even if I dont feel the same way. I believe that can be resolved.
I await part II in earnest.
October 26, 2006 at 7:13 pm (UTC 1)
hi there
on this subject, i believe in one thing, and that is let your heart lead the way.
in as much as we are humans beings, some things don’t just have a particular pattern and so is the subject before us.
but we have a consolation that we can cast all our burdens upon him for he cares for us.
hope to hear better from me later, just tired for the day and have to get home to grab some sleep.
cheers
October 17, 2006 at 10:36 am (UTC 1)
Hi Luminus,
Thanx for visiting!
Another big mistake is assuming your experience is a good pointer to make a final resolution on an issue.
I, personally do not have relationship with ladies that stress me. I consider the stress as the answer I need. I like ladies that know what they want and are bold enough to go for it. In fact most of my lady friends have never stressed me, the ones that have stressed me, I dont think I can remember them today. So you see we are in a different boat that is why there is no formula.
If a lady shows you she likes you and you treat her like dirt or you feel you cannot hold it together with her. Guess what dear? It’s your big loss, not hers. The same thing happens to guys that show ladies they like them too much, the ladies eventually takes them for granted.
If a lady likes you and you like her. If she tells you her feelings, you would jump over the roof top very happy. The only reason for misbehaviour is if you do not feel the lady too and that can happen both ways ( I mean for a man that tell a lady his feeling).
We have been conditioned to believe that you must stress yourself to get a lady; Guess what, it’s all in the mind…..
October 17, 2006 at 10:00 am (UTC 1)
Lord! Lord !! Lord!!!
Dipo, you just had to go and stir the hornet’s nest with this one abi.
Anyways, I’ve made my comments into a post on my blog. Check it out.
October 16, 2006 at 3:53 pm (UTC 1)
Discussion ended….
I agree but….
It still did not say the debate has anything to do with the heart!
October 16, 2006 at 3:28 pm (UTC 1)
@ Angela
This what you copied
“Whether any techniques at all exist that will actually work to change thought and behavior to the degree that the term “brainwashing†connotes is a controversial and at times hotly debated question.”
End of Discussion
October 16, 2006 at 3:27 pm (UTC 1)
This piece has the semblance of reason and intelligence; but is really nothing more than empty palliatives and a hotch-potch of crudely-banged together ideas that do not make much sense as a whole.
Please allow me to explain thus:
Firstly, the writer fails woefully when it comes to identifying “learned” instincts and “natural” instincts.
Those that fail to understand the above are easily recognised. They are those misled individuals that say that men and women are really the same if not for social pressures and programming.
Everyone who ever raised a small boy and a little girl knows that the hunter/gather nature of the boy, and the arranger/cherisher nature of the girl starts as “basic” instincts from the moment they are able to display anything remotely resembling a personality.
They would also argue that if women “borrowed” men’s hunter instinctual behaviour, they would achieve more results in the thing that they desire…BUT the key question is this: “do men and women desire the same thing, and do males and females appreciate the same things”?
The answer – to someone that has not become brain-dead owing to Political Correctness – is an emphatic NO.
Who does not know that men are “suspicious” of women who come on too strong?
And who does not know that the secret desire of all women (at least those still in touch with their femininity) is to be the subject of desires of strong men? Even to the point where the men draw their “swords” and “do battle” to gain her attention and affection?
Men already have a problem with commitment to ladies that they expend energy and resources in gaining their affection; imagine the situation where they have not had to expend any bother to gain a lady’s “goods” and then you understand the silly proposition that is contained in the email below.
The concept of the “lady and the tramp” is engrained in the deepest instincts of the male race – and to pretend otherwise will land you not a veritable husband, but charlatans and no-gooders who will plunder the castle and pi** in the moat as they leave at first light.
Daughters of Eve, respect yourselves and pander not to the “binge-drinking, misguided, slackers of the now-generation”.
I can just imagine Ade (a male) talking to his mother about Shade (a slack female):
MUM: “Tell me again Ade where did you and Shade meet; and why does she not realise that a lady crosses her legs when wearing such a short skirt?”
AUNTY: “True Ade. Tell me about her background. Was she in medical school with you?”
ADE (Fidgets in discomfort): Actually we worked together. And it was during one night when she had drunk too much that I found her hands wandering around my jeans. And before you could say “happy slapper” we were in the back of my car, and Bobs your uncle. I later found out she is a very intelligent and nice girl from an excellent family. But the best thing about her is that she is very emancipated and thinks-outside-the-box”
He gets bolder: “In fact, she is such an advanced thinker that she does not need any man to validate her and she has let me understand that if I ever do anything remotely resembling an Alpha-Male, she will quickly have her hands all over my friends’ jeans”
“I plan to behave myself as a renaissance man once we have concluded the up-coming wedding in Ayede-Ekiti”.
“Aunty, I hope you still plan to sponsor the wedding reception”.
Can everyone see the ridiculous nature of these I-have-come-to-London-and-am-now-a-law-unto-myself pretenders that call themselves Africans?
Anyhow, I trust that most of us are above the “I-cant-be-bovvered mentality that this email represents.
When the ladies become the tramps, you wonder where the gentlemen of Chivalry of yesteryears have gone.
I can see it all now:
ADE (slouching on the Sofa on a Monday noontime): I wonder why are always complaining about my not finding work. Did I tell you I was ready to get married when I met you? Was it not you hustling and pushing me into marriage? Madam Desperado. Abeg leave me o jare. If not for me, you for find Husband?”
Trust me; only the most stupid person thinks it is a good idea to propose to an African man – least of all a Yoruba (who traditionally have strong family ties).
After Ade “chops” the goods and moves on, maybe you try Akin, and then Abiola, Adamu, Abimbola, Afayose, Abisola, etc…
…I have to go look after my kids…later all
@Dipo and all
October 16, 2006 at 3:25 pm (UTC 1)
OK enough. lets move on to the next point. Everyone has their interpretation of things, hence why we cant all agree on a point. Let us all agree to disagree.
But i wont Lie I agree with miguel.
October 16, 2006 at 3:11 pm (UTC 1)
brainwashing
Systematic effort to destroy an individual’s former loyalties and beliefs and to substitute loyalty to a new ideology or power. It has been used by religious cults as well as by radical political groups. The techniques of brainwashing usually involve isolation from former associates and sources of information; an exacting regimen calling for absolute obedience and humility; strong social pressures and rewards for cooperation; physical and psychological punishments for noncooperation, including social ostracism and criticism, deprivation of food, sleep, and social contacts, bondage, and torture; and constant reinforcement. Its effects are sometimes reversed through deprogramming, which combines confrontation and intensive psychotherapy.Directory > Health > Medical Dictionary brain·wash·ing (brÄn’wÅsh’Äng)
n.
Inducing a person to modify his or her beliefs, attitudes, or behavior by conditioning through various forms of pressure or torture.
WordNet
Directory > Words > WordNet Note: click on a word meaning below to see its connections and related words.
The noun brainwashing has one meaning:
Meaning #1: forcible indoctrination into a new set of attitudes and beliefs
brainwashing
Brainwashing, also known as thought reform or re-education, is the application of coercive techniques to change the beliefs or behavior of one or more people usually for political or religious purposes. Whether any techniques at all exist that will actually work to change thought and behavior to the degree that the term “brainwashing” connotes is a controversial and at times hotly debated question.
@ Dipo….No where do i see the heart gettin invovled.
October 16, 2006 at 3:00 pm (UTC 1)
@ Angela
You are actually making me laff my heart out! So, I am familiar withbrainwashing.(lol)
My dear, no matter the brainwashing, if it does not get to the realm of the heart, it would be ineffective after sometime.
October 16, 2006 at 2:50 pm (UTC 1)
You are rigth…
I dont disagree with all that….all I am saying the result of that kind of conditioning is not natural….ask most women that had said in there 20s they did not want to marry or have kids..them they are many in there 40 and then have a overwhelming desire to…..When God made woman there are hings he put in us that he did not put in a man….I will not train my daugthers to be weak( if that is what you think being a woman is all about)…be I say again i will teach them that if a man is interested he should take the lead…cos if they marry him the possiblity of the wife taking the lead and having to push the man all the time is not one I find attactive in a real MAN.
You keep on saying conditioning…i will have to take sometime and really think about my reply to you about all that.It is simply conditioning. Our hearts are directly proportionate to what has been fed to the mind over a period of time.
These explanations can be used when explaining suicide bombing, etc.
….I beg to differ it is not heart that explines suicide bombing /bombers but BRAIN WASHING( CONDITIONING) which I know you are very familiar with@ Dipo
October 16, 2006 at 2:40 pm (UTC 1)
@ Angela
Wow, that was a nice one and actually involves a lot of thinking!
I quite disagree with this statement though
” There is a part of a woman that want to know ….A man wanted me and came after me.
If a woman is the one to do the chasing…or ask for marriage , only God can help her make sure she never has moment in that realtionship she does not feel he may have sold her self short.”
This particular statement is based on conditioning from novels, films, novelas, soap operas, etc.
If a lady is brought up in a home where he is trained to ask the man first and this same lady is not infilterated with films, external students that think a male should ask first,etc. If this lady have friends that also think they should ask the man first. the tendency of this lady asking the man and never feeling shortchanged is 100%.
It is simply conditioning. Our hearts are directly proportionate to what has been fed to the mind over a period of time.
These explanations can be used when explaining suicide bombing, etc.
October 16, 2006 at 2:19 pm (UTC 1)
MY ANSWER: Whoever proposes does not matter? You can not put God in a cage by saying he gives male the revelation first before the female. I would repeat this by saying the interpretation of the bible is based on levels of Spiritual Maturity.
This i agree Dipo
we are i think are mixing up two different points…
God revelation is to all his children(male/or female)
what I i believed we are talking about is how one(females) are to behave regaurding starting a relationship( to marriage)
There is no other place i see the word help-meet( EZAR) use@ Dipo only in relation to the creation or man and woman.
In Joyce Meyers Home she is not the head of that home Her husband is and she says it….
In her ministry…she has an Office which her husband surpports.That I dont think is the same thing we are talking about.
MY ANSWER: How have I twisted the bible? I clearly stated that you should not take the bible at face value but the spirit inherit in it because the letter killeth. If you keep on saying that it is “He who finds a wife†then I will say you are very wrong because if I take the scripture that says “He who finds a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord†at face value, all I need to do is to look for any woman and marry then I will obtain favour from the Lord. But we know this is not consistent with the bible because the same Proverbs talks about a “contentious woman†that make you prefer to stay at the roof top of your house inside your home. Would you call that God’s favor…..
No I will not call that Gods favor…
Headship…Leadership…are spiritual not just soundbits.
@Dipo you are responding to this matter just like a man…which there is not wrong with that( very logical) this of the heart, women emotion and minds do not operate that way.
There is a part of a woman that want to know ….A man wanted me and came after me.
If a woman is the one to do the chasing…or ask for marriage , only God can help her make sure she never has moment in that realtionship she does not feel he may have sold her self short.
IN MY OPINION.
Angela.
October 16, 2006 at 8:45 am (UTC 1)
@ Miguel
Your qoute-”So if the bible says its the man that discovers, isnt it only right to wait for the guy to propose? cos clearly revelation came to the man and not the woman. In matters like this, the man is the first to get the revelation before God gives the woman confirmation.”
MY ANSWER: Whoever proposes does not matter? You can not put God in a cage by saying he gives male the revelation first before the female. I would repeat this by saying the interpretation of the bible is based on levels of Spiritual Maturity.
God made man; male and female he made them. man is regarded as either male or female. God called Adam and gave him an assignment and said it is not good for man to be alone. It does not mean because God gave Adam the assignment that it is a male that always needs help-meet. Thats why I talked of conditioning at the beginning of my article.
Lets use present day happenings, God called Joyce Meyer and gave her a help-meet in form of a husband.
Your qoute – ” Lets not in our desire to make our point twist the bible…it is clear what the bible means by “He who finds a wife…†if it was for a woman to propose to the man, the woman would have gotten revelation.”
MY ANSWER: How have I twisted the bible? I clearly stated that you should not take the bible at face value but the spirit inherit in it because the letter killeth. If you keep on saying that it is “He who finds a wife” then I will say you are very wrong because if I take the scripture that says “He who finds a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord” at face value, all I need to do is to look for any woman and marry then I will obtain favour from the Lord. But we know this is not consistent with the bible because the same Proverbs talks about a “contentious woman” that make you prefer to stay at the roof top of your house inside your home. Would you call that God’s favour.
Taking the scripture at face value actually kills. Lets not condition our minds to the way things are but emulate the Spirit of God that constantly thinks outside the box
October 15, 2006 at 9:20 pm (UTC 1)
Bijou..we are all sharing and learning..no one knows the mind of God except God. All i am trying to say is that in a relationship, there are only two people…between Ruth and Boaz, none got that revelation..though i must say that Boaz would have found it hard to believe that Ruth was for him based on the fact that he was advanced in age as compared to the young men that were chasing Ruth. Now it’s been known that at times when people are hard of hearing (knowing the the Holy Spirit is prodding them), God could send someone to give them that revelation and in the case of Ruth and Boaz, God used Naomi.
In the case of Adam and Eve i guess the first question you should ask is Why did God ask Adam and not Eve? God is all knowing and clearly God knows who instigated or seduced the other.
Bijou I have searched the passage where Adama and Eve fell and I am yet to see where God stated that he wouldn’t matchmake or anything close to that. The bible only states they were banished and God set a Cherubim with a zigzagging sword to bring death to anyone that attempted to re-enter the garden of eden; meaning from that point on there will be no communion with God without his initiative.
October 15, 2006 at 8:01 pm (UTC 1)
Miguel, but didn’t u just say now that Naomi was the one with the revelation? Did Naomi get a revelation from God? I dunno. Was it ‘cos she saw Boaz as “husband material” that she made suggestions to Ruth? I think so. Or are u trying to say that the woman (potential wifey) doesn’t get the revelation.
What i’m about to write, is somehow related and somehow unrelated to the topic. God made Eve for Adam, right? When they sinned, and God asked Adam why he ate from the tree he commanded them not to eat from, didn’t Adam say it was the woman whom the Lord gave him that made him do it? More like blaming God, that if he hadn’t brought this woman to him, he wouldn’t have fallen into sin. Correct me on this if i’m wrong, but after that incident, wasn’t it recorded that never would God matchmake (sort of) folks like revealing to me that Mr. A is my hubby. He’ll give us choices, but in the end we make the decision ourselves, according to his will and in alignment with his purpose for our life.
I’m not arguing now, i just want to learn.
October 15, 2006 at 5:41 am (UTC 1)
Bijou… Naomi, Ruth and Boaz are three people to start off with… The revelation did not come to Ruth but rather to Naomi. My point is, if there was no Naomi, Ruth wouldn’t have taken the steps she took…so Naomi seeing the potential of Boaz as a husband is like any friend seeing a good guy and telling her friend what shes noticed…that doesnt void the fact that God gives man the revelation…the story of Boaz and Ruth by no means shows that THE woman receives revelation.
October 15, 2006 at 2:46 am (UTC 1)
Miguel, what if it’s the lady that first discovers the guy to be a perfect help meet for her assignment in life? Even before the guy realizes. Remember ladies are much more intuitive than most guys. This ur statement, “In matters like this, the man is the first to get the revelation before God gives the woman confirmation,” doesn’t go down well with me. It’s not all the time, that the man gets the revelation first. I disagree with u on that.
Didn’t Naomi “discover” Boaz to be Ruth’s help meet? Wasn’t it ‘cos Naomi saw the potential of a husband in Boaz,(since Boaz was taking care of Ruth just like a husband would) that she encouraged Ruth to put herself in a position where she’d be “found” by Boaz? Did Boaz get the revelation? I don’t think so.
October 14, 2006 at 3:51 pm (UTC 1)
“He who finds a wife†does not mean He who goes about looking for a woman. it means he who discovers a perfect help-meet for his assignment in Life. Discovering does not mean the first person to propose. It means coming to an awareness that this lady is a perfect fit for the assignment God has given him.”
So if the bible says its the man that discovers, isnt it only right to wait for the guy to propose? cos clearly revelation came to the man and not the woman. In matters like this, the man is the first to get the revelation before God gives the woman confirmation. All over the bible, its clearly written that man has cover over the woman… God created Eve but it was Adam that named her woman. Women were created as suitable companions for men and endowed with a nature to match their role.
Lets not in our desire to make our point twist the bible…it is clear what the bible means by “He who finds a wife…” if it was for a woman to propose to the man, the woman would have gotten revelation.
Even in the days of Abraham, it was Abraham that sent out his helpers to find Isaac a wife. Show me in the bible where you’ve read a woman’s family searching or discovering a husband.
A man gets revelation, while the woman gets confirmation. that is the reason why its is appropriate for a man to propose when he has discovered his help-meet.
October 14, 2006 at 12:48 am (UTC 1)
@ dipo – Im sorry but I do not agree – like miguel says the bible is a way to go on and find true happiness.
So your telling me that this guy Im feeling I should tell – so we can go on a date and ‘hang out’ – what else. Relationships are not that clearly set out as we are complicated human beings and even the Lord reminds us about the heart of men.
Like I said previoulsy a woman will know when a guy is feeling her and vice versa. What they choose to do with it is their own perogative.
October 13, 2006 at 11:18 am (UTC 1)
I am very mush Nigeria…but live aboard
Now what I have about all this libaration , na una sabi…cos women in the west are now havin crisis bcos they are confused
…;we have LADETTE lady tha behave like larger louts all in the name of not being conformed and taking charge and all the foolishness…woman are vital and they sould remember that there self worth, they see themsleve ,how they carry themselves is how a man will treat them.
I am a woman …strong woman ….able woman….and I have no problem in being WOMAN.
I do not want to be a man…we all have how different functions.
I have3 children 2 girls and a boy…what i will tell my grils when the time comes is…..you do not chase after any man….Princeses do not chase men…a REAL MAN THAT knows what is good for him amd wants will come askin…..
some women think men dont know what they want…..be mistake
Men know girlfriend relationship from WIFE …
by the way I am enjoying the website..
back to work I go….
stay blessed all
please excuse any typos…was in ahurry and my T AND G keys are stuck!!
October 13, 2006 at 9:21 am (UTC 1)
@ Miguel
Your opinions are very welcomed.
I agree with you that the Bible is the Manual Of Life but interpretting the Bible is another thing entirely.
“He who finds a wife” does not mean He who goes about looking for a woman. it means he who discovers a perfect help-meet for his assignment in Life. Discovering does not mean the first person to propose. It means coming to an awareness that this lady is a perfect fit for the assignment God has given him.
How this awareness takes place is a different issue entirely. The wife in this context does not mean female but a help-meet to support your purpose in life.
Taking the sripture at face value does not help; its most of the time deeper than we see.
I will delve deeper into this; I am crammed up with work now….
October 13, 2006 at 8:16 am (UTC 1)
“Declaring a feeling to a guy is different from asking the guy to marry you or commit to you though that may be your desired goal. It’s just a way of letting the guy know how you feel about him;”
Dipo, sorry but i beg to differ. Declaring the way you feel in this context, based on your write-up is no different from asking the guy to marry you or commit to you. If a woman feels so strongly about a person, what would be her other reason for declaring it?
Friendship?
October 13, 2006 at 8:04 am (UTC 1)
First off Dipo I must say you’ve got a nice blog.
“Learn to control your emotions and not have your emotions control you…do not play games!”. WOW! Angela you took the words right out of my mouth. I believe the Bible is the manual of life and like any new creation or invention, in order to get optimal usage of that item; you need to read and follow its manual. Like TLOASCM has said, the bible says “HE who finds a wife…” , this clearly speaks to how God created man… I truly believe regardless of how a woman thinks or feels about a man, if that man is ordained by God for her, He will reveal her to the man.
So bottom line, women control your emotions…yes you might think the world of him, be true to yourself and your friendship but let him do the finding and approaching.
October 13, 2006 at 7:49 am (UTC 1)
Wow, let’s see the big picture;
If a woman tells a guy. she is feeling him, what do you think would happen.
1) If he likes her and has feelings for her. Do you actually believe all the feelings the guy has would disappear?
2) If the guy is not feeling her. Do you think he would run away from her?
3) Do you believe if the guy goes steady with you after you let him know your feelings, he will eventually treat you badly?
4) Do you believe that divorces and break-ups are as a result of a lady telling a guy is feelings before he did?
@ TLOASCM
Declaring a feeling to a guy is different from asking the guy to marry you or commit to you though that may be your desired goal. It’s just a way of letting the guy know how you feel about him; he may do whatever he likes with it. His reaction to your statement gives you the answer to what you want to know.
You are qouting the bible, which is good but most times we read the bible based on our level of maturity in the spirit.
@ Angela
I actually see what you mean. Permit me to ask if you are a Nigerian?
@ Bijou
My dearest Bijou. I will definitely post part 2 soon.
Please, guys make your comments known.
October 13, 2006 at 1:56 am (UTC 1)
I speak from experience, and cause I have alot of the opposite sex as friends, I have been blessed to have their company and their views. Sure they love a strong woman who can come out with what she thinks and all, but the still prfer a woman they open themselves to.
Remeber my story of my friend who still loves me. We both Secretly liked each other and for various reasons. I could’t admit it to myself, casue hes my friend, and he couldn’t tell me for fear of rejection. Well he finally did find someone whom he was able to tell his feelings without the fear of intimidation and Im left wondering mine were all alittle too late.
I know that if he came out with his fealings I would have rejected him, cause I felt I needed an older guy, but someone my age – but then I was being agist – prjudiced.
So sometimes if you are feeling a guy who is not forthcoming with his feelings, maybe he is not comfortable sharing and trust me a woman will come that they will feel comfortable sharing with. So if you like him and he’s not saying anything – he’s just hedging his bets.
Thats my view on keeping it bottled. You dont need to tell him your feelings, a man can tell when a woman likes him. But we women should also watch him. Cause even though hes not sharting, you can tell.
October 12, 2006 at 11:36 pm (UTC 1)
@Angela, my sentiments exactly. I think it’s the guy that should do the asking, that way, it gives u as a lady more respect so it doesn’t seem like u’re the one chasing after him/ forcing urself on him. It may sound old-fashioned, but i think it’s acceptable.
@LOASCM: What u’re saying, i’m sorry but it’s theoretical. Let’s get real here and be practical. The girl is feeling the guy badly, and the guy acts ignorant of this fact. U’ve prayed, u’ve hinted in ur own little way, still the bobo is using being busy as an excuse. True, he’s busy and u know it, but still … Either he’s not man enough to ask, or he’s not feeling u or he’s scared of rejection too. Gosh! it’ll be good to hear from more guys on this issue. Some guys, would say they respect a lady that knows her worth and asks despite the consequences she may face afterwards. Others say that it shows she’s a desperado and would see her as easy, or wayward.
October 12, 2006 at 11:24 pm (UTC 1)
Ehen! “So all the strong feelings can change in just one single moment.” What would make it change? I no say na my body the fart dey smell, i no need make person yarn me dat one. I’m glad u
wrote this piece, ‘cos there are so many ladies out there going thru what u just described, and have no clue what to do. Bad
thing is that they’re not willing to admit it to themselves, and even worse is that they can’t seek advice, and to make it worst they may seek advice from the wrong source. I patiently await Part 2.
October 12, 2006 at 11:22 pm (UTC 1)
We are now in an age where women are more liberated interms of the opportunites available to them and the fact that we are now able to assert our rights in the community and and in the work environemnt but when it come to realtionship, am afraid our emancipations will not work here.
Now I am not trying to reduce our rights, but the bible did say ‘He who’, not she who finds, so even we have strong feelings for a guy, how do we know how might interpret this. Lets just pray that he has same feelings and have the boldess to act on it. Let us pray that the Lord will lead our hearts and mind to the right person.
Your write up is a good insight into our strife but for any realtionship to work the way the Lord intends it, it is better for the Man to do the ice breakers, the leading and the sharing of info.
October 12, 2006 at 8:48 pm (UTC 1)
….I agree.
That is why I said it was my opinion, cos for those I know it has worked for.
I agree you should know yourself,be real about what you know of yourself too.
but about the intending partner that you can find out in time.
What i believe we are takin about is the first appoch…..Who should make it?
I still say if you are woman enough go for it….but do not act all womany and hurt if he truns you down.
October 12, 2006 at 3:16 pm (UTC 1)
@ Angela
Wow, you started up by saying there is no formula for relationship and ended up by giving a formula though the formula is your opinion.
I do not advocate a formula either, thats why I advise people not to be conditioned to formulas but to understand yourself and the intending partner.
The formula that “a relationship where the man is MORE into the lady has a better chance” is not foolproof. It all depends on the man and the woman involved. I have seen both side of the coin fail and I have seen both side of the coin succeed.
October 12, 2006 at 12:44 pm (UTC 1)
I hear all you have to say about the matter ….yes I am all for thinking out of the box and all…
When it comes to men and women issue i would say there is not really formular….But what I would say refering to the ladies is …and there age and what they want from the relationship will decide the approch…I still say learn to control your emontions and not have your emontion control you…..do not play games…if you like the guy and feel comfortable in asking him ,then go for it …but remember to take it like the WOMAN you are if he truns u down. As for me a woman should be chased…..I am married and have been so for 11yrs now….and I will tell you if you are lookin for a long term relationship that would lead to a life time relationship…then I would say LET THE MAN DO THE ASKING…a relationship where the man is MORE into the lady has a better chance….IN MY OPINION.
Female Openness » at Luminus: Reloaded says:
October 17, 2006 at 9:38 am (UTC 1)
[...] My homeboy Dipo Tepede just had to go and stir the hornet’s nest with this one. I suggest you go over and read that first and check out the comments (there’s a boat load of them) before you come and read my disjointed thoughts. [...]