Hello all,
i have indeed enjoyed everyone's contribution but if the truth has to be said what works for one person may not work for the other, yes the norm is the man doing the chasing but i have also seen cases where the woman makes herself available, ask and it works fine without any STRANGE feeling! if the truth has to be said, most times a woman knows by intuition that the person coming around her is her husband and if she is a spiritual woman,and he is delaying in asking, she prays and his eyes gets opened like Hagar to see the well that saved Ishmael- Gen21-19. The issue of Naomi and Ruth is another case and this worked out. In India as i hear, its the woman that marries the man so i am sure she will do the asking!So for me, i think its a thing of the heart, if a lady sees a guy she likes and she makes herself available by getting close to him and if the
friendship moves on, she can ask those probing questions that can make him interested and know her intentions but if she think thats not the way to go, she can remain quiet and let him speak to her years after or better still have the courage to speak to another person that will be his wife.
For me, the the real issue is that women sustain the asking as a lot of men will ask but its the lady that will make sure everything leads to the altar by her actions and patience!

Ok. My first visit and I'm liking this site. I've read a bit of the older posts and I plan on continuing ltr. Personally I don't make first moves ( and no one does it like my vivacious roommate-lol). For whatever reason it's just important for me that I don't. Sorry about Clementina. My boyfriend went to Ijanikin and I'll definitely mention it to him when next we speak. Great work Dipo.

If you notice that a guy has feelings for you, and you like the guy,all you need to do is be his friend. You don't need to be day dreaming about how you'll walk the side of the sea shores together, or how you will go for candle light dinner when you are not even in talking terms. Just try and catch his attention by passing a nice comment like, I like your shirt, Nice shoes etc or a hello with a warm smile.Then with time the relationship builds up. On another thought while ladies don't like sending signals first is that some guys are lousy and they will tell their friends that she did. This is quite embarrasing so you see ladies die in silence. During my NYSC, I liked a guy and he liked me but we were looking for the first person to make the move. We were all chatting under a tree one day and I just said what music are you listening to? and that was it. He later confessed that he thought i was a snub and i felt he was one too. So not making the move may be because of a wrong impression you have about the other person. If you like him girl go for him. At least you are not the one to propose «the will you marry me».

Well, i guess there's a way we ladies can go about this thing. I got my hubby by making a few moves even tho they weren't staight to d point.( I knew he liked me though). I think men (especialy one that likes u) get thrilled when we make some unexpected moves, they enjoy the attention 'cos my hubby recently asked why i've stopped being so bold about my feelings, he complained that i was gradually losing my spark( can u imagine!).

NB: we've beem married 5yrs with two kids and he still wants all the attention, men are really babies aren't they?I've actually been very busy for the past 4 weeks with work and a professional exam around the corner.

**The point is if u see a man u like and u feel he also has some feelings for u, go 4 him gal! give him some attention, men love attention too.

I beleive i'm totally in agreement with Dipo on this issue. We all have our minds conditioned in differing directions for differing situations and circumstances probably based on our backgrounds and upbringing.

Specifically regarding our feminine homo sapien species, especially those with melanin (black pigment on the surface of the skin), they expect the men to make the moves to initiate a relationship, make the moves to tie the knot (proposing marriage), make the moves to do the act for producing offspring ... this is the part i really do not understand.

Even when you're alone with them in a room, they'd rather just sit and talk with you instead of making the move to kiss or ..., no matter how much they may actually want to. They just seem to believe it would be wrong of them.

This might not be such a wrong form of conditioning for some men but for others, it makes them feel the women folk are not sensual enough or are not physically attracted to them. The physical attraction in a relationship has to be seen to mutual.

Some of our women folk need to find a balance between being sensual and being decent! Just my opinion!!!

This does not preclude the fact that men also have their own various forms of conditioning too.

@ Dipo

Thank you for this piece, I very much agree with you on this subject matter. You see «God works in mysterious ways His wonder to perform» but, we humans always like to think that we can reduce His words to our own understanding. The scripture that says «he who finds a wife» in this context should not be mistaken for it must be the man that must do the asking. Going back to the Bible, I think alot of reference is made where women led in the salvation of their family, nation and even the world.

We should at no time condition the minds of ladies to assume that they have to wait for us. At the point of His resurrection, Jesus appeared to Mary. Why? why not a man or does it not matter?

How about Ruth and Boaz, what do we call her stategic positioning? Ruth 3 verses 1-4.

As a man, I will definitely respect any lady that has feelings for me and will never treat her ruthlessly even if I dont feel the same way. I believe that can be resolved.

I await part II in earnest.

hi there
on this subject, i believe in one thing, and that is let your heart lead the way.
in as much as we are humans beings, some things don't just have a particular pattern and so is the subject before us.
but we have a consolation that we can cast all our burdens upon him for he cares for us.
hope to hear better from me later, just tired for the day and have to get home to grab some sleep.
cheers

Hi Luminus,

Thanx for visiting!

Another big mistake is assuming your experience is a good pointer to make a final resolution on an issue.

I, personally do not have relationship with ladies that stress me. I consider the stress as the answer I need. I like ladies that know what they want and are bold enough to go for it. In fact most of my lady friends have never stressed me, the ones that have stressed me, I dont think I can remember them today. So you see we are in a different boat that is why there is no formula.

If a lady shows you she likes you and you treat her like dirt or you feel you cannot hold it together with her. Guess what dear? It's your big loss, not hers. The same thing happens to guys that show ladies they like them too much, the ladies eventually takes them for granted.

If a lady likes you and you like her. If she tells you her feelings, you would jump over the roof top very happy. The only reason for misbehaviour is if you do not feel the lady too and that can happen both ways ( I mean for a man that tell a lady his feeling).

We have been conditioned to believe that you must stress yourself to get a lady; Guess what, it's all in the mind.....

Lord! Lord !! Lord!!!

Dipo, you just had to go and stir the hornet's nest with this one abi.

Anyways, I've made my comments into a post on my blog. Check it out.