Wow, the Part 1 was actually heated with beautiful and opposing comments that I can’t wait to bring out the part 2. I have learnt a lot from the comments and I am ready to kick off, understanding the depth at which conditioning has actually taken its toll. Why is it difficult for females to open up? Is it instinctive or learned? Are men and women very different in the way they relate? If it is instinctive, could they be conditioned to open up? Why are women scared of the outcome? Questions, questions and questions, well I hope to answer those questions drawing examples from history but before I do this I would love to finish my story on Ade and Shade.
Remember Shade (female) that developed strong feelings for Ade (male). She decided to open up to Ade because the intensity of the feelings was running her mad but something was not quite right with her new decision. She felt she was going off course and everything within her rebelled against it. She wondered if she would be able to carry out this decision but the feeling was tormenting her day and night – she could hardly concentrate at work, during fellowship, while watching film, etc. She decided to make do with the decision and on the normal visiting hour of Ade, she found a book titled “Men and Women, what’s the differenceâ€, on her sofa. She immediately picked it up to read, and was amazed at the sufferings of Christian Married Couples. She was so engrossed with this book that she did not notice Ade come in.
On seeing Ade, she jumped up, greeted and gave Ade gist about the book she just found. Ade was listening with rapt attention so she decide to ask Ade what it felt like for a guy  to ask a woman he feels for out. Ade immediately looked away but was not too quick to hide the tears that welled up his face. He cleaned his face and uttered words that surprised her “I can never ask a girl out againâ€. Shade kept quiet hoping to hear more and her hope was answered. “She deceived me, she showed me all the green light even kissed me but said she did not feel anything for me. She collected all my gifts and allowed me to take her out. I really loved her and she kept on saying we are just good friends. Can you imagine? Good friends, you ladies are very wickedâ€
Shade was totally shocked. She was seeing a new side of Ade (the president of the Prayer sub group) and for the first time, all the intense feelings disappeared and were replaced with empathetic feeling. She wanted to reach to him with a hug because she could see he was really hurting but she restrained herself. She started asking questions about the lady, her name, where he met her and how come he did not tell her about her. He replied all her questions, telling her that she never asked him. She gave him some words of encouragement and prayed with him. She escorted him to the door and bid him farewell with a promise to call. She wondered where all the intense feeling went. She had gotten her answer because she opened up. Ade was hurting from a past encounter with a lady she never knew. The revelation actually changed her feelings for him and she knew that even if the feelings were there, she could never go out with him at this phase of his life.
What a story? Feelings normally change based on revelation. The revelation that, that guy you are feeling for has AIDS. The revelation that that cute girl, you are eyeing, is a prostitute and the bobo you are waiting to ask for your hand in marriage, just had an accident that made him lose his two legs. One comes to find out that most of these feelings are intense but not Godly. The feeling that makes you think about yourself without any consideration for the other person is selfish. Though this may not be apparent to the person having these feelings but that is what it is. You get angry because the guy did not ask you out or did not say what you want to hear. The feelings make you believe you can do nothing without the subject you are feeling for. The only definition for these feelings is called lust. Wow, if I hit you on the spot but that’s what it is. This is why I encourage opening up so that you can be rejected earlier to mature to a new state of being.
Now let’s get to the main topic or should I postpone it so you could digest this story. Ok, check out for PART 3.
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October 19, 2006 at 4:18 pm (UTC 1)
kai you have started again – ok – I was also reading a blog xoxo put up too – and its about seing it from the mens perspective – but what you are talking about is different from what casued a storm previoulsy. Its like using wisdom (in shade’s case) to find out how the guy is feeling emotional and his views on women.
But its true about how quickly the Love goes – the HIV example is so true; for e.g. you think the guy is loaded and you fall for all his material goods and when you find out his broke – the love disappears. Some women are Incorrigible.
October 20, 2006 at 7:25 am (UTC 1)
At times a guy may like a lady and may not know the right words to use especially when they are very close friends. he may want something more intimate and the girl would think he is taking advantage of her. A lady may be attracted to a guy but would die in silence because the guy would go about carrying his shoulders high.He would tell his friends and she would become a laughing stock.If the guy is rich it makes it worst ,people will think its because of the money……so this makes ladies helpless.
October 23, 2006 at 3:53 pm (UTC 1)
hey dipo – you haven’t really told us your views on things.
November 2, 2006 at 10:49 am (UTC 1)
i’m beginnin to think three times about u dipo! esp how much of an authority u are on these issues u write on. yeah every one has a perspective so it’d be cool if u (first) are able to draw the line btwn ur perspective and the established facts. dont forget u can only say things from ur perspective!
lust, love, hate… the motive bhind what we do in and out of love, bla bla. on a pragmatic note we are humans (fact not excuse) so what is mostly obtainable are r/s borne out of innate selfishness not necessarily on a conscious level. tell me that u’d go out with some1 purely out of charity (even that wud be selfish because u’d prob expect the person to be subservient…) or u’d go into a r/s with ZERO/ NADA gain, not even the simple fact that “ok, i’ve attained the status quo of ‘not single’”. i think we shd do a better job of facin facts. an eg r/s dat is totally unselfish is primarily God’s r/s with us. over time r/s have been and may be redefined btwn those concerned to take on a less selfish nature. so… humans we are and we can only strive towards being as perfect as the God we serve is.
November 11, 2006 at 4:34 pm (UTC 1)
dipo,
u av made a good point wit d story of Ade & Shade, but i don’t believe any1 wil go into a relationship wid no ambition or purpose. I’ll support gift’s coments, take another look at the scenario. Tosin