ANOTHER VALENTINE!: Dipo Tepede

By Dipo Tepede, 3 years and 5 months ago

ANOTHER VALENTINE!

Average time to read5:10 minutes aprox.

â€œValentine is not the season of love but theÂ reasonÂ for lustâ€ â€« Dipo Tepede

Just this Friday I got the shock of my life when the only female colleague in my office asked what I was doing for valentine in an open office, I simply told her I was married (not that she didnâ€™t know). I said this on the premise that valentine was for guys and babes looking for ways to impress their lovers or potential lovers but she pressed on pointing to me that valentines is a day to show love to your loved one and I should take my wife out and get a gift for her. I told her I donâ€™t believe in valentine but appreciated her concern for my love life. She then started what I call the â€œpressure of the worldâ€

Reading the first paragraph and the quote above, my dear readers would quickly assume that I am going to write about something negative about valentine but contrary to your thoughts I am actually going to bring to light the usefulness and the importance of having such day as valentine. In the book of Esther chapter 9, an emphasis was placed on a certain month called Adar where the 14^th day was specifically meant for feasting and sending choice portions to one another. This month could be equivalent to February 14^th where the world has tagged a day to express love by sharing gifts based on a day honored to 2 Saints named Saint Valentine martyred on the same date. This shows the importance of keeping a day apart to celebrate one of the greatest elements in the world â€« LOVE.

Is what we have necessarily a celebration of love? Do we follow the traditional celebration of love? I remember my first read on valentine (I was barely 8 years old), it was a foreign book from my primary school library that laid emphasis on giving gifts o families and the underprivileged. I remember the book so well because it was hard cover and had lots of pictures; I wonder what the kids of theses days would read on valentine when they go to the library since valentine has been fully associated with romance. On the minds of an average youth, valentine connotes lust albeit a conscious effort to read it as love. Could we then assume that the youths do not know the chasm between love and lust? I get some mind blowing answers that send adrenaline running through my spine whenever this question is asked.

Shade (a female) prepares for valentine with her newly acquired boyfriend Ade. She goes to a perfume shop to purchase Cool Water, goes to a shirt shop to acquire a T.M. Lewin Shirt, Cufflinks and Tie, goes to a confectionary to pick up assorted chocolates and biscuits and finally stops at an eatery for the best cake on the stand. She was given her lover the best of the best and she was anxiously waiting for him. Ade arrives in style with his Honda Accord 2006 model; you could see the smile beaming out of Shade face proud of his man. Ade drives her straight to his apartment and she began to wonder why. Ade tells her that he wanted them to spend the night in his apartment because he did not feel like going any where but that did not stop the enthusiastic Shade from expecting her reciprocated gift. On entering the apartment, Shade reveals her gift to Ade which he collected filled with joy and he went in to bring his gift of roses and teddy bear. Ade proclaimed his love to her on bended knees and offers her the rose accompanied with the teddy bear.

She immediately lost all her enthusiasm and her behaviour changed which affected Ade that was overtly happy about the day. When he made a move to kiss her, she immediately turned away, stood up and said she was not feeling too good. To Adeâ€™s amazement, she said she wanted to be taken home. She was obviously angry; how can he dare buy only roses and teddy bear; is that what she was worth? And worst of all, what was she going to showcase to her friends? This was too much for her to bear as the anger kept on developing more and more, she told him not to bother taking her home as she walked out of the apartment hoping to get a taxi home. Immediately, she boarded to taxi and left amidst Adeâ€™s pleas to return to the apartment, Ade got a call from the Car agent saying he has finished the decoration of the Honda CRV for his lover and should he park it now assuming they (Ade and Shade) were already in his apartment.

Ade told him not to bother bringing it that he was not buying it any more. He felt very uncomfortable because of the two cases in his hip pocket; one decorated pack containing the key to the CRV and the other pack containing the engagement ring. He smiled to himself knowing fully well that bachelorhood would be more appealing.Â

This is quite an unusual story though fictional depicts the expectation of females on a day like valentine. The â€œLove 101â€ promoted in every top media house would have been the thingy for her to boast to her equally amused friends. This is why valentine of today has turned to a lustful venture where you are only interested in what you can get without putting the others into consideration. You only buy gifts to get a bigger one, if not; it is simply a deal breaker. Now coming back to myself, my wifey and my colleague pressuring me into getting her a gift and taking my wifey to a fanciful restaurant; this actually appears great but would it sustain a marriage. Would a day of undeniable romance affect relationship positively?

95% of the females would agree that giving gifts and other romantic requisites would foster relationships but does this actually occur? If I spoil my wife crazy with gifts and outings on February 14^th just to see the priceless smile that she ordinarily would not give; should I wait for another valentine to experience this Precious Smile? If my wife does not fall into this 95% female bracket that need gift to obtain that smile; what happens to my hard earned planning and expenditures? Out of the pressure from my colleague, I asked my wife what she wanted for valentine and the answer she gave me left me dumbfounded. It made me understand the uniqueness of females and the different drivers that causes their smile. While some get inspired by gifts, others find inspiration from support of their loved ones towards their goals.

Valentine would not heal the wounds of your relationship nor would it foster the relationship; it would only provide a temporary relief to a deep seated issue that only Jesus can solve. A routine monthly valentine could make more sense by depositing emotional value but a once in a year time display of â€œunmeantâ€ affection would never foster any relationship. What I have found out is that men are generally not up to this; it is the selfish motive of some larger percentage of the female folks that crave for a utopia found in dreamed-up books and romantic films that has lead to this craziness we find on earth today. Lusting is not just sexual but a longing that does not take the other into account. I wonder where the good old intimacy has gone to; I wonder why the pressures of this world does not allow us to appreciate our uniqueness; I wonder why the so-called romance of today can not provide a happy marriageâ€¦â€¦â€¦.

Listen to this podcast

IF YOU ENJOY THE ARTICLE ABOVE, YOU CAN SUBSCRIBE TO MY ARTICLES BY CLICKING HERE

The Way Forward: 2 months and 26 days ago
Who can find a Virtuous Man?: 3 months and 3 days ago
Are U Frustrated with Work?: 3 months and 12 days ago
How I made my 1st Million: 3 months and 18 days ago
The Grace Connection: 4 months and 6 days ago

Categories: Re-Imagine (RSS)

Share this post

#6. mide
3 years and 5 months ago

Hi Dipo,

A nice one, and I've been longing for discussion such as this. I personnaly don't believe in Valentine from day 1 (mean growing up), and starting from the biblical point you made,if you check verse 1 of that chapter, it says: «Now in the twelfth month,that is the month of Adar.....» this is Jewish (lunar) calendar,which answers to our (solar) calendar and correspond to our March and not February as said,moreover the Jews have others also that they give their things out to people.
So i don't really know where «Valentine» originated from. I mean I can show my LOVE to my spouse,neighboours,friends etc at any time and any day as long as it's from my heart. «God loves a cheerful giver». It doesn't have to be Feb.14, and it doesn't have to be nick-named «Saint Valentine's Day».- Why can't I call it Ã„de's day?.

The truth is «Love every day, care every day,and share every day, not when Feb. 14 or Xmas comes».

Cheers!!.

#5. KC
3 years and 5 months ago

Sad but true........., i read the post and weighed it against the background of my own thoughts on the 14th of February and found out that though i wasnt fixated on the idea of exchanging and getting gifts with/from my fiance, i felt totally hype when i walked home after work and found out that i was the only one from my «crowd» (if i may call my friends that) that got a gift (even though the gift was actually an apology for a big fight the day before and not valentine induced). Now it sounds fickle to me how (unconsciously) we all felt, for that one day, that my life was better than that of my friends becos i got a gift and they did not, silly how we felt bad that they didnt have gift wraps to tear open and giggle over. Fickle indeed, guess that calls for some major introspection.

#4. Biddy
3 years and 5 months ago

Dipo, i quite agree with you that presently in Nigeria, Valentine has become a season of lust and not love! i was chatting with a friend yesterday and she said a lot of young ladies will lose their 'virtue' as a result of valentine today, and i agreed as i saw a lot of young girls in secondary school, giggling and buying love cards in a shop and i wonder what they know about love!
I am happy Nigerians know that Valentine is a season of love but it should be a season of genuine love shared and not lustful love, it should be that of reaching out to our loved ones and those around us plus the less previledged and above all it should be a time of expressing love to God our maker. Show some love this season with your smile, kind words and thoughtful deed and make your world a better place. (My mother-in-law called me today to wish me, her son and grandchildren happy valentine's day and to thank us all for our support for her and her husband... i was touched!)

#3. fabbio
3 years and 5 months ago

hello val is really here come to think of it. but really is it worth
all the hype that we give it here. we ain't living it ryt. we don't treat ourselves nicely enuf to relly have tru love intentions.in my world
they are just cruel intenstions.but for real it think people shuld really begin to do good things to their fellow men den the essence of
valentine or shld i say st. valentine culd be achieved tru love

#2. the Life of a stranger called me
3 years and 5 months ago

Your story though fictional can still be apllicable in today's world. Valentines is all about giving and recieving gifts from your loved ones. And though its a day to celebrate love its also a day of gifts. The question that is normally asked is what did you get and do for valentines? and not did u celebrate it. It is also a day many singles dread - its as if their nose is being rubbed in it all - or to show what a failure they are at keeping a man.

But whatever it is - many hope that the next year will be better. It is not seen as a day to show love to each other - but to your partners. And the bigger the gift - the better the valentine. Im sure teddybears and chocolates are still accepted - but they are just the basics - amid the watches, the gold jewlery, the resturants - and many.

But Im glad to say that whether single or in a relationship - My valentines has always been my mother. Cause she is always the first to call us all to wish us valenttines. And to tell us yet again how much she loves us. Isnt that something. Now we will never complain that we were all alone on valentines. Or had no one to check us out.

#1. Bolaji
3 years and 5 months ago

Love is a mystery! I'm still trying to comprehend the details but trust me, true Love is scarce. That's why our society is like this!

Does it border around gifts? Things that can be touched? Mindset... Don't let me write too much. Happy Valentine's day!

Post

You are currently viewing an individual post on the blog Dipo Tepede. If you haven't found what you were looking for, try the search form or browse the different categories and sections.