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“Woman:” n, bearer of the hymen.â€
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In 1981, Britain’s leading Newspaper, quoted the Fifth Baron Fermoy’s words, affirming a teenaged girl’s suitability for the throne of England said (with no trace of a wink):
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“To my knowledge she has never been involved in that way with anyoneâ€Ã„
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But that was in 1981, you could easily dismiss it as forgivable. He didn’t know better- chauvinism was still in, the objectifying the woman was still ‘acceptable’, etc.
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Twenty-seven years later, a father of three by three different women, cheekily crooned-
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“I cant believe she’s still a virgin, lots of guys have been up to her but there was no compromising, she be strong she be keeping herself until the day of her weddingâ€.Â
- Tuface Idibia (Nigerian artiste, MOBO award winner, MTV award winner, USAID spokesman)
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The Cinderella story couldn’t have really happened- for princes; love was the least of worries for a proper marriage. Marriage was an alliance with the prerequisite royal blue blood. Later on, British royalty was willing to compromise and had in fact done so with the marriage of future George VI’s marriage to (red-veined) Elizabeth Bowes-Lyon. The list of concessions never extended to ‘purity’. So, when older man, P of W, Charles, lover of Camilla Parker Bowels and future King of England was to marry, he made a ‘perfect’ match. It didn’t matter that he was in love with another woman or (as some claim) never loved Miss Pretty Face at all, or that teenaged-Diana didn’t understand half of what she was doing – Diana was Protestant, an aristocrat, well-liked, attractive, blameless, etc with an intact hymen.
The clean-little-Miss requirement wasn’t exclusive and extended to TV and paperback romance – Miss is the sexually inexperienced one, unable to believe the soaring emotions that envelope her as he takes her. At this unforgettable moment, he is trying hard to be gentle, to restrain his wildness, his experience, learnt from many other women. He knows what to do, how to do, when to do, how hard to do it ….
If “virginity†were a French word, it will definitely take the female article- la virginitie. Sacredness, purity, abstinence have somehow become a female issue. Very few people, if any one, would assume that a male could be the virgin.
The female is the bearer of the hymen, subject to a higher standard of morality. Society’s moral hypocrisy demand that she must be pure, waiting for her Lord and master on the “night of her weddingâ€. God forbid that she’s been tainted, she immediately “looses respectâ€. The “he†immediately begins to wonder how many she’s been with, where she’s been, and of course, how many abortions she’s had. Of course, he easily ignores the answers he could have given to those questions. All the worship and glory go to the demure no-sex-before-marriage woman, along with celebration over her stained bed sheet.
Even Tuface unashamedly sings about the joys of waiting! (I’m a big big fan of Tuface’s last album but something doesn’t quite jell- like the Biblical King Solomon warning his sons of the dangers of women, or Casanova, being UN ambassador for abstinence).
Every male claims undying love for the virgin- but of course, we ‘agree’ that it is unhealthy to be a celibate male- hairy hands, impotence, and other unmentionable horrors.
Halima must remain a pure and nonsexual creature even if she marries at 35, but Emeka must be gay or have self-confidence issues, if at 20 he hasn’t gone past the wet dreams stage.
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And who does the celebrated male stud sleep around with?
Answer: the “whoresâ€, the not “marriageable†kind.Â
Women, I’ m told, are divided into the ‘take home to mama’s and the “challams†(the one-nights or one-call ones). So if a girl (stupidly?) falls for Mr. and decides that she also has the “fire down belowâ€, she’s a slut.
Definitely a slut.
The male is just being a “manâ€. Blame it on the innate undisciplined eyes, the testosterone and the no-brain-badly behaved object between his legs. There’s also the nymphomaniac who was stalking him… File!µ
The male virgin is like the Yeti, like the dragon.
 Typical scenario:
Funmilayo: Hello, Male A. I was just wondering, do you think there are male virgins?
Male A: *weird look*. Closely followed by: Ha, ha, ha (Interpret as: annoying laughter. very annoying smirk)
(Then he goes on to give a very annoying reply…)
I really don’t think you can find one. Really, do you think it’s possible for a man to be a virgin? At what age?
(“Man†is said with definite emphasis)
(Face changes to forced-serious expression, he continues…) Even if he is, he won’t tell… ha ha ha… you must be kidding me. (Repeats annoying laughter etc)Â
At this point, I do the best I can: look disdainfully with what I hope will pass for dignified silence and silently grumble.
Ä Fifth Baron Fermoy, talking about Princess Diana (his niece), quoted in Maureen Johnson, ‘Prince’s bride-to-be “fits the bill†as future queen’ Associated Press, 24th February 1981 referred to in Jeremy Paxman ‘On Royalty’ 2006 p. 95.
µ D’banj’s very annoying and annoyingly popular song goes on about a girl stalking him after he ‘let’ her have a taste of his…. D’banj is another Nigerian artiste. He performed at the THISDAY awards.
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25 comments
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September 23, 2007 at 10:25 am (UTC 1)
@ Funmilayo
You actually touched a very sleeky subject here….
Ok!
Whats really your beef?
Is it an intact hymen that categorizes virginity then how do we define virginity for the male counterparts?
If the perspective of the whole world prefers the male to be “experienced” and the female “inexperience”. So why are you fighting such a huge popular belief.
IT’S THE MEN’S WORLD MY DEAR AND THE FEMALE SPECIE KNOWS HOW TO LIVE IN IT………….
September 23, 2007 at 3:21 pm (UTC 1)
@Dipo,
Thank you o, your response is very much to the point and i could not have said it better.
@Funmilayo,
Hnmmmmm…..well can i say i know what started this? But in response, let’s assume all reason are gone, all religious inclinations taken out and things are just as they were pictured in the homo sapien era or thereabout, picture yourself hanging around a female who goes on a ‘conquest’ to see how many males she can ‘take’ within a particular period. I’m sure the picture aint looking good already. Some questions are better left unaswered, some situation are better accepted, just pray you are not part of the ‘sample’ population for any guy that’s on a hunt. Even some women would still go for our dear tuface, his lack of control over his hormones not withstanding (you might even give him the benefit of doubt……no disregard that). I can feel the beef building……alcatraz is soooooo faraway
September 24, 2007 at 8:18 am (UTC 1)
@delagasky,
I’m seeing a picture and it’s painted with strenght, it’s coloured with female dominance and strenght.
I’m seeing the Amazons
(remember in Greek history, these female warriors hooked up with the Gargareans, for reproduction- no commitment, nothing to it, just so the race doesnt die out)
and they did it well.
September 24, 2007 at 8:49 am (UTC 1)
@ Dipo,
Excuse me if I believe God’s creatures are one and the same.
He made them male and female.
He expects the equal standards.
It’s just very reasonable: If you expect an untouched woman, you should be ‘untouched’ yourself.
if you sleep around, you should definetly expect to end up with someone who has done her own share of finding.
It is this simple-
you want someone who’s been waiting? Wait yourself.
It’s Karma- while you are persuading or using someone, another person is doing that to your ‘innocent’ babe.
Anyone can be celibate, if they try.
September 24, 2007 at 8:52 am (UTC 1)
@delagasky,
one more thing…
Alcatraz is not that far oh..
dont even try me.. they’ll leave you there for-forever
and your comment on Tubaba…
I won’t even dignify that with a comment.
September 24, 2007 at 9:47 am (UTC 1)
@funmilayo,
I know i was looking for trouble as i was composing my response, it was a weekend and i was in that kinda mood. So we now have a proponent for female equality in the house. Even inexperienced females would not want an inexperienced husband, imagine the tussle in the bedroom durind the wee hours to get……..ol boy he no go easy o. from my experience, guys these days dont actually go out of there way to look for virgins to marry, only a few just end up with virgins. And my dear, forget karma, it plays no part in this, if it actually does, some guys no deserve wife at all not to talk of good wife. my comment on tubaba was a genaral one, even the baddest guy would be discovered to have a soft spot that you can relate to. Alcatraz……..”the rock” part 2(first blackman to slip out)
September 28, 2007 at 5:42 am (UTC 1)
@delagasky
trouble dey sleep, yanga dey wake am,
No woman wants a slut for a husband,
or someone she’s worried has ‘met’ everyone at her new office,
or …
‘from my experience’???
September 28, 2007 at 9:14 am (UTC 1)
@funmilayo,
You started this one o!! ok, gaining valuable experience for use in that hallowed teritory does not make one a slut (by the way, does slut apply to men? just asking). Just imagine 2 JJCs slugging it out (oh how much i want to explain the x-rated part) not knowing which way to turn…
Yeah, in my experiences and word of mouth research, i have found out that a lot of guys actually run away from virgins, there are too many complications to deal with. And let me add as well, when guys determine their choice of wife, virginity is not really considered, one just knows you would love to marry so and so. One usually falls in love b4 discovering status of the hymen.
September 28, 2007 at 12:08 pm (UTC 1)
@delagsky
Really???
Honestly, would you be with some one, who you know has been with ten people you know…
no one’s counting the others you dont?
and will i be with someone like that?
No.
September 28, 2007 at 12:54 pm (UTC 1)
@funmilayo,
oh dear, oh dear, the chances of metting 1 of the ten pple your spouse has been with is almost non existent so pls drop that. And what if i meet my partner’s former……? The worst that can happen is they kickstart things again, and in that wise, it is glaring she has made her choice.
September 28, 2007 at 2:31 pm (UTC 1)
@delasky,
o ri mi ma ma jen ba wo foko tokunbo, aloku okurin….
September 29, 2007 at 11:46 am (UTC 1)
Funmi, I agree with you. Let the guys wait. It’s a test of character! If you are “touched”, probability is high that you’ll be “touched” in marriage and you might still be thirsty for more than what your wife gives you
September 29, 2007 at 1:22 pm (UTC 1)
@B,
Thank you so so so so much…
that’s at least one ‘true’ person..
methinks that’s 90% of why guys cheat.. it’s hard to get used to one flavour of ice-cream when you’re used to vanilla, coffe, chocolate, strawberry… y’know
September 29, 2007 at 6:22 pm (UTC 1)
@funmilayo and co,
if you are waiting for that male virgin……then i join that guy with a smirk on his face…..omo wa pentagan. There are still faithful husbands who were once “in town”, i can tell/show you a few. But truely, ‘variety is the spice of life’.
October 1, 2007 at 1:41 pm (UTC 1)
Who says young men are no longer intested in virgins for marriage?
I agree with delagasky sha that the game will not be funny with two
inexperienced pple.
October 2, 2007 at 10:04 am (UTC 1)
@delagasky,
I am saying that it wont be that wasy to stay faithful if you’ve been a slut.
You dont simply change because you now have a band on your finger- it’s not that easy.
an analogy-when you become a christian, yu dont ‘change’ automatically, you constantly renew yourself
if you used to smoke, you’ll still crave nicotine, you’llneed to work that out.. that simple.
October 2, 2007 at 10:16 am (UTC 1)
@To,
Thank you o.
It’s absurd to think a young woman should be scorned for being modest.
but what you said bout both of them- that’s double standard oh, what happened to ‘discovering together’ eh?
October 2, 2007 at 11:59 am (UTC 1)
@Funmilayo,
I’m in support of the decensy of a woman anyday
but that discovering together nor go funny sha…
For me, i think its better to have an experienced man & a naive lady.
With time,things will pick up or what do you think?
October 2, 2007 at 1:24 pm (UTC 1)
@To,
again o-double standard…
‘experienced man’= slut.
October 5, 2007 at 6:35 am (UTC 1)
@ Funmi
Sometimes you need to taste all the ice cream to prefer a particular one and stick to it…
October 5, 2007 at 6:43 pm (UTC 1)
@funmilayo,
discovering together sha!
blind leading blind = gutter
Dipo get am, check ‘em all out and then make a choice and stick
October 5, 2007 at 6:49 pm (UTC 1)
@all,
i am not saying women should not keep their virtue, if you decide to and you have a guy who’s ready to stick you and your decision….your luck, thank Baba loke. between the ages of 18 and 25, an average lady would have dated 5 guys, slept with 3, 1 of the other 2 she met when she was naive and he too was, the last was just a mugu
January 2, 2008 at 12:19 pm (UTC 1)
Virginity is good, but is no longer attractive as it used to be.
Delagasky said it all: If you find it, thank your stars, otherwise, life continues.
Many people do a lot of things in their youthful time that settles down to marriage life. A lot of factors really determine that, from friends, environment, family, locality, etc. To now purposely wait for the sake of getting a virgin male/female……. well, like te Yoruba adage says, ‘Someone that wants to know the eye-blinking of a crab will stay for a long time beside the spring’
June 29, 2008 at 2:21 pm (UTC 1)
thanks guys, off to go loose this damn virginity
July 1, 2008 at 2:33 pm (UTC 1)
@Zephi
lol.