I wrote this article in 2006 and it actually made my blog popular amongst the female gender. I just read it again and I could see its relevance 5-years later. It was highly controversial at that time that I received emails and comments telling me off and asking me to change my mind about the female gender. The truth was that I wrote it to help our sisters not to condemn them. However, I am revising a 25-page Free Report I gave out in 2009 titled; “7 Reasons Why Ladies Date the Wrong Guy”. If you are interested in this report, kindly click HERE. In the main time, you may enjoy the article below and make comments.
1. Self Centered
Most females enter relationship (consciously, subconsciously or unconsciously) with a self centered motive. No wonder comments like “he has not asked me to marry him and I have let go of other suitors”, “all men are bad”, “I have feelings for that guy and he is not asking me out”, etc. Since females are crammed and mostly stuck on relationship issues, it suffices to say that they make no effort to understand the male counterpart. If the male counterpart does not meet their preferences, they get worried unnecessarily and develop a pattern of helplessness. They fail to see their contribution in the whole relationship problem and continue casting blame. This in itself is one of the greatest issues of relationship amidst other self imposed vices.
2. Openness in Communication
Females have a firm belief that they are wired naturally not be open in dealing with their male counterparts. Imagine a female going steady with a guy for 3 years and expecting to get married without voicing her intentions. Why spend 3 years with a guy and you can not tell him how you feel? Why believe that you will lose something by speaking openly with a guy you intend to marry? The only thing you will lose is pride and fear. My dear females, you are not wired to be closed, you chose to be closed because you are afraid of the outcome of being open.
3. The Weakling Mentality
Females actually believe they are the weaker sex so they allow the man define their happiness. The cultural conditioning gives them this “I need to be pampered and taken care of” mentality. Truth the told, you are created to be a help-meet to a man not to be pampered by a man. You may not be as physically strong as a man but you have a stronger influence. What you lack, you are compensated by other sense of strength. Females fail to maximize their potential for the good of the relationship but sit back defining set of roles for themselves.
A female friend complained to me that she has been slapped by her husband and she wanted a divorce. Then I asked what she did but she claimed she did not do anything. I asked her if her husband had a mental problem and she looked at me obviously shocked with the question. She said no. I asked her if she has ever heard or seen her husband slapped other females like his colleague or even her sister. She said no. So your husband woke up one morning looked at you and slapped you. She did not wait for me to explain as she called me a chauvinistic pig. After much discourse, she finally made me understand she had nagged and insulted him because he failed to keep to a promise of buying her a shoe.
4. Trust is not Love
Many females do not know the difference between trust and love. The story above indicates females’ inability to love without trust. From my friend’s story, that was the first time the man hit him and she was obviously shocked at his reaction. Since, I can not judge the man without hearing his own side of the story, I told her she was expected to love her hubby and trust God. Man is fallible, no matter how wonderful he appears and perfects himself to be. If females have it in the back of their mind that every man out there is not perfect, it will easier for them to transit issues flawlessly. They will commit their man to God, and confirm his strength not emphasize on his weakness. Jesus loved humans but did not commit himself to them because he knew they were weak.
5. Lack of Kingship
Most females lack Kingship; they fail to understand their rights to protect their relationship territory. God made man; male and female he made them. The first assignment he gave this male and female is to dominate their territory. Most females do not know their role as partner to their husband. They are expected to lift their families to God and bear the burdens of the relationship with the man. A girl is going out with a guy and she is praying for the guy to ask her hand in marriage instead of praying for the guy’s solvency to life’s issues like financial, political and social. She expects to be a liability instead of an asset to the man. She looks down upon herself and tells God that only this man can make her happy. If you pray for the man’s success (not putting one leg out and one leg in), God will reward you with the man.
6. Commit to the Relationship
Females get overwhelmed by deep emotional turmoil so in order to free themselves; they look for the easy alternative which is to guard their heart from such pains. This alternative could easily be avoided if their perspective to relationship was different- commit to the relationship not to the man. The man is subject to change because he is human and it may be difficult to handle such evolution. You will be able to adapt to his new state of mind of the man, if you commit to the relationship instead of the man. An example is a man that looses his job and decides to drink as a solace to his problem. If you commit to the man, it will be difficult to pray for him without seeing him in the light of his present position. This nullifies your belief which is a prerequisite for answered prayers.
7. Lack of Purpose
Before a woman enters a committed relationship, she is expected to have a defined purpose which should align with the purpose of the proposed man. When a female has a purpose, it is easy to decipher your emotional weakness when choosing your life partner. If you base your relationship on an ephemeral stuff like the kind of car he drives, how good he is in bed or how tall he is, you will end up getting hurt after 2 years into that said relationship. Choose your partner based on purpose so you will have something to hinge on during crisis which is inevitable.
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February 7, 2012 at 12:43 pm (UTC 1)
Sir, this is quite awasome, you are trully affecting, changing and saving the lives and relationships of our youths so much, and i want to urge you to keep it up as it has been laid on your heart,, and God in His infinate mercy will continue to quide and bless you in all your endevours in life. Amen .
thanks and have a nice day……………..
September 11, 2011 at 9:52 pm (UTC 1)
Guy you too much. As mather of fact you are about 100% correct. I my self is experiensing this same problem in my present relationship every time complaining and all that. So keep it up. Thanks.
August 15, 2011 at 12:14 pm (UTC 1)
Dipo, i must admit that i love your article , i appreciate the way you gave the lady with the unloved christian boyfriend the answer without telling her what to do. why are you playing safe?it interest me to know why you choose this approach as this articles are not new or are rather cliches .i think you appreciate learning but it doesn’t have to be the same with others as we are all different except this is your fan base.(slang).we are in a generation where the men are failing us and the women are fighting for growth.men call this independence and feminism without proper evaluation and women call this male chauvinism without being help meets and showing respect.i have read all the relationship books and but have the real issue to be the interpretation of this articles in our real relationship.questions like these arise when it comes to relationship like; how do we beat traditions with this new knowledge.for instance a woman does not necessarily have to be a workaholic or job to be independent financially to be married to a guy .there are some women who are raised to honor and respect men but on the other hand, every man wants a woman they can control or lead to put it lightly but still a financial supporter.this complete self -centeredness on every one’s part.we adviser cause more confusion by preaching.off course of a higher level of interaction between a man and woman but find it extremely unfair to expect this from every relationship.i appreciate your contributions to this cause sincerely but i know from experience and exposure to books and human interactions that efficiency and effectiveness work or go together and with all due respect for this to be applied in all aspect of life especially relationships.
August 15, 2011 at 11:50 am (UTC 1)
Dipo, i must admit that i love your article , i appreciate the way you gave the lady with the unloved christian boyfriend the answer without telling her what to do. why are you playing safe?it interest me to know why you choose this approach as this articles are not new or are rather cliches .i think you appreciate learning but it doesn’t have to be the same with others as we are all different except this is your fan base.(slang).we are in a generation where the men are failing us and the women are fighting for growth.men call this independence and feminism without proper evaluation and women call this male chauvinism without being help meets and showing respect.i have read all the relationship books and but find the real issues to be the interpretation of this articles in our real relationship which can be either the real problem and solution at the same time.questions like these arise when it comes to the application of this new found knowledge in relationships like; how do we beat traditions with this new knowledge.for instance a woman does not necessarily have to be a workaholic or job to be independent financially to be married to a guy .there are some women who are raised to honor and respect men but on the other hand, every man wants a woman they can control or lead to put it lightly but still a financial supporter.this complete self -centeredness on every one’s part.we adviser cause more confusion by preaching.off course of a higher level of interaction between a man and woman but find it extremely unfair to expect this from every relationship.i appreciate your contributions to this cause sincerely but i know from experience and exposure to books and human interactions that efficiency and effectiveness work or go together and with all due respect for this to be applied in all aspect of life especially relationships.
June 27, 2011 at 5:59 pm (UTC 1)
all dese r true..i learnt in a hard way how to love n i knw beta..God bless u for this..i really love dis..i wish my frnd’s gf culd get dis..really,ladies mak d mistake of naggin wen dey’v got a p. N it frustrates guyz a lot..may God continue to bless u..
June 8, 2011 at 8:44 am (UTC 1)
I will greatly touched after reading this report.How i wish my gurl is able to read this report.There is a lady i loved so much and i made my intention know to her how much i love her and wish go into a serious relationship with her.She opted no bcos of what the experience she had in her past rel.Athough we are good friend.She vowed never to go into any relationship with any man again.
June 6, 2011 at 1:24 pm (UTC 1)
I Thank God, for the type of person He made you, I know you are wonderfully made, with this you are going to make meaning in persons live.
June 3, 2011 at 10:13 am (UTC 1)
thank u sir, am so greatfull to God about this few page i read now, has opened my eyes the more God bless you, please help me i need this book. i just had a brooken relationship after 4yrs an now ,all because of not agreeing to sex before marriage, he has jumped into another relationship according to him what i refuse to give to him for the past 4yrs an, another lady has given him just after two weeks he met her well GOD is still faithful and i give him thanks for the gift of life because there are some that are not alive to experience this. please i need this book , how do i get it?.
May 8, 2010 at 9:06 am (UTC 1)
As a guy,ve learnt something i cam imbibe to my girlfriend.
September 8, 2009 at 4:25 am (UTC 1)
Reavealing & Inspiring
July 14, 2009 at 9:37 am (UTC 1)
Dipo, u definitely have made points in this your write up and I ask God to always give you the wisdom to write and educate us more.
But, most times, men also enter a relationship with a wrong intention. they do just for the fun of it. Ive seen a man who kept raising his voice to a girl to come spend the nite in his house just in the form of his “girlfriend” knowing his house. Again, a contact in his phone book with “Uche Luv” and for decades, he refused to explain to his girlfriend(still new) who the uche is.He was dumb and decided to create a distance bw he and the new girlfriend. Now, tell me is it any fault of the girl to ask? or to also mind her biz?
Also, ive seen a scenerio where a friends(married man and single girl) grew to be good friends and cos of their decent and open rship, the guy fell so much in love with the girl and has proposed to her to be his 2nd wife. this he made as a statement, “I really want you in my life. you are a rare gem”. the girl in the open friendly plantonic rship, she was so committed cos he is naturally a nice individual.
Dipo, things about love is so complicated that only God will forever direct us. Amen
July 11, 2009 at 9:36 am (UTC 1)
What of a situation whereby your guy does not care a bit about you? pls defferentiat love and infatuation for me, does love at the first sight exist?
July 8, 2009 at 8:51 am (UTC 1)
54 comments?
Dipo why dont you add more of “THE LOVE WANTINTIN THINGY” in your write ups.
This seems to be a thing of interest…lol
Back to topic, the self centered thingy is true o, about 90% of ladies are so guilty jare… if only we can stop the constant complaint and nagging and understand clearly that our happiness and fulfilment can never be with a certain guy…
November 24, 2008 at 10:06 am (UTC 1)
GOOD DAY SIR,
IT’S BEEN LONG SINCE I REPLIED YOU GUYS, BUT IT’S ALL GOOD. THE ARCHIEVES IS TIGHT AND WISH TO SEE MORE OF THIS ON MY MAIL BOX.
AM ALSO HAVING A CHALLENGE WHICH I BELIEVE YOU CAN HELP ME SOLVE. AM A GUY OF 19YRS OF AGE AND I HAVETHIS BELIEVE THAT AM MEANT TO BE CELEBRATED AT MY YOUNG AGE. I BELIEVE I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST THAT STRENGHTENS ME BUT I’VE FLAIRE FOR MODELLING AND TO BE A POET BUT DON’T KNOW HOW TO GO ABOUT IT. PLS HELP ME OUT. I BELIEVE IN YOU
September 18, 2008 at 5:51 pm (UTC 1)
the story is very interesting and all u said it’s true. Most ladies of now and days enta into relationship justbecos of wat they can get and not wat they can give. Not having at the back of their mind that relationship is like a bank account dat u can just withdrawing without puting money there. But again to be sincere with oursef again Nigerian guys are not ready 4 commitment
September 15, 2008 at 10:06 am (UTC 1)
I like this writeup of urs and to be frank with u it is what is happening in our society especially NIGERIA. most ladies enter into a relationship for thier own gains alone not considering that of the other party and I BELIEVE HAD THEY PUT Theirselves in the MAN’S shoes would they still have reason the way they did right from the very onset?
April 4, 2008 at 11:58 am (UTC 1)
Ur rite but i dont support a man beating a woman no matter what she does. Remember a man shld have self control. A man with out self control is like a city
with out walls anything goes
January 2, 2008 at 1:47 pm (UTC 1)
@Yetty
Why not try http://www.nairaland.com to post your story and people will respond to it with useful advices you may find helpful.
December 8, 2007 at 3:26 pm (UTC 1)
@ Seun
Thanx for the comment!
I do not subscribe to violence of any form whether toward a female or towards a man. My main discuss was for the lady to acknowledge her responsibility.
I believe every society has its pros and cons; sueing at every instance does not warant a good society. The moral structure of Nigeria is a more solid platform than any where in the world.
I believe we should appreciate the moral structure and I really do appreciate your comment.
December 8, 2007 at 2:46 pm (UTC 1)
hi dipo.nice write up.
u made some points..
however, i do not agree with the idea that a lady should be slapped by her partner be
cause she did something very offensive.i feel hitting a woman is wrong ..no matter
the offence(except maybe she’s an assasin and u are hitting her in self defence!haha)
)….i really feel bad when i hear people discussing about wife battering and the first
thing the guy says is ‘what did she do’..then later he says’that served her right’
first and foremost.there is no relationship without CONFLICT, it’s how you handle
the conflict that matters…so the issue of physical abuse being justified by conflict/
bad behaviour by the partner ,doesnt go down well with me…
secondly, let’s just imagine that the same woman is his boss at work(and not his lover)NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHE OFFENDS HIM HE PROBABLY WILL NEVER EVER raise his hand to hit
her.. because he’s trying to keep his his job…
what am i trying to say..two people can treat u in the same annoying way, your boss
and your lover..A GUY WOULD NEVER HIT HIS BOSS..but ‘in our society’ it seems ok
and even ‘macho’ to hit ur girlfriend or lover’ if she deserves it’
it’s all about self control and not what anyone does to u….CONFLICTS ALWAYS COME
IT IS HOW U HANDLE IT THAT MATTERS.
no guy should be patted on the back for beating up his wife..there are more sensible
and mature ways to handle relationship issues ..
it’s pity, we dont ‘sue’ so much in Nigeria…..if not some men would be in jail by now,
for almost killing their partners, BECAUSE OF LACK OF SELF CONTROL!
November 6, 2007 at 4:31 pm (UTC 1)
——————————————————————————
I am a young girl in my middle twenties. I am kind of facing some challenges about marriage. My mother wants me to get marry as early as possible. Mostly to a guy I brought, though I brought the guy home to show them but now and kind of confused. I am not sure am in love with in him anymore. My mother said maybe because we have been dating for almost two years then that is why I am fed up of the relationship. I have sat myself down several times to understand why I don’t love him anymore but I can’t just say. Though he is a nice and caring guy but he gets angry easily, mostly he doesn’t take to my advice, we really don’t have conversation together, he wants to be around me all the time and he English is poor.
I just meet a guy, though we have been friends for some years now but not too close. I fall in love with him.
The question is it the new guy that made me realize I don’t love this guy or is it natural. I am confused, my mother wants me to get marry to the 1st guy next year. But I really don’t want to but she never allows me rest in the house to the existence of her calling the other not to ruin her daughter’s life.
Please I need a motherly advice do I go on with the wedding or what?
Thanks
October 16, 2007 at 8:48 am (UTC 1)
@ Mimmy
I read your submission and I agree with you whole heartedly but from your story, you said the guy does not want to travel but he did not say he did not want to marry you.
Marriage is a choice between you and him; do not allow family pressure get in the way.
I am sure if both of you are willing to take the win-win approach, you could easily solve this.
Remeber: more issues like this would come up when you eventually get married.
October 16, 2007 at 8:04 am (UTC 1)
I read the story and i certainly would not be quick to say that women are to be blamed. Sometimes, like the bible says the heart of man (male/female)can be desperately wicked. What do a female do when a guy she stood by for 6 years suddenly wakes up to tell you that the family just realised that they cannot go ahead with the wedding plans because they dont feel like traveling outside of Lagos? I mean this is a guy who has been faithful to a relationship ffor 6years? This is someone who cannot take a decision except she agrees and practically do everything with the lady in question making the lady to sacrifice everything she has even to the point of loosing teeth via an accident on her way back from giving financial assistance to the supposed man of her dreams? Would you say she is not committed to the relationship? For all these i would just say something it takes the grace of God and i still stand by what the bible has written and believe that it is only God that can give any man/woman the relationship that would bring peace that only God himself can give.
September 21, 2007 at 2:36 pm (UTC 1)
yes,it helped,dat u responded to me sure helped
September 21, 2007 at 2:34 pm (UTC 1)
Hi opedoll$,i am so very grateful u responded.i had checkd for sometime and wen i didnt see a reply,i decided to relax then check back much later.
this sitaution has been goin on for over a year now and when it started,evry1 i told was so sure she got all the info from my husband but time has proved it is not true.she just knows someone we know very well,i dont think she is confident,she is just troublesome.my husband actually ignores her calls with so much ease its amazing,every number she uses he doesnt pick,evry txt he deletes w/out readin,he has blocked all her email addresses,she has opened 6new email addresses and he cant be bothered.i am actually not scared,i am just angry or i was just very angry particularly the day i posted the message,i was thinking of tellin our pastor but i just feel he will tell me to keep prayin and keep ignoring her(my husband tells me to do same).
he has been tellin me for over a year now that she will not dare to come to our matrimonial home but i must say i was scared she could kidnap my kids from school or something,he assures and reassures me she will not dare.i didnt reveal the funniest of all these to you,they were seein each other for 10weeks before she dumped him,he was actually really pained then(a story he had told me a long time ago) but it was all a thing of the past.
i and my husband have talked about it severally and it even upsets him i am allowin her get to me,he assures and reassures me but i guess i just dont like the calls.
i sincerely dont know how she got my number,as much as i know gsm wasnt in the country then but i and my husband have been usin the very 1st sims we ever bought after GSM came,we dont know how she got our details at all,she once sent me a txt saying she is comin to my house(wrote down my address) to take her hubby i stole away from her.
even before i met my husband he had dated someone after the gir.y she is after him is still hard to fathom?she always thinks it fun to tell me his every location when he’s outta town and its always true.
after all said and done,i trust my husband,i am actually very very very sure she is jus a troublesome person.i hate it that am playing with my kids or we are doing homework and she calls.its really annoyin.
u said i should let u knw how i dealt with it,guess its how am dealing with it.u know as a woman,i had been standing up to her and taking the calls but my husband’s advice is d best.am not saying a single word back again.i have now left it completely to God.i still wont mind prayers from evry1.its never too much.have a great weekend
September 13, 2007 at 3:13 pm (UTC 1)
I totally agree with u on most of your points. A lot of women have a lot to learn from reading this article especially the importance of open/sincere communication, self discovery and having a purpose,but i disagree about one thing.
Trust is not Love:from your write up will i be right to conclude that u expect women to give an excuse for their man’s imperfections including their unquenchable desire for the fairer sex. In other words will you suggest that i accept a man’s excuse for infidelity since they claim to be natural polygamists
September 7, 2007 at 5:42 pm (UTC 1)
Just one more thing:
How did she get your husband’s no. or your no.?
That should tell you that she is getting tips from someone that knows you a bit closely, or at least someone that has your phone no.?
One other thing is this:
Think back, and ask yourself, “When she start making her nasty calls?
That also would tell you something about whoever gave her that no., and if not, then it may help you understand how much information she has about you and your family, so that you can be more careful with the people you talk to.
Hope this helps!
September 7, 2007 at 5:28 pm (UTC 1)
I wish you and your husband well.
But in all, let God fight for you.
Take care, ma.
September 7, 2007 at 5:27 pm (UTC 1)
Hi Rosemary,
It’s really painful when such things like this happens to a person, especially when there has been no reason for an outsider (whether ex- or not) to come and start trouble in one’s “marriage”!
I cannot belittle the situation you are in, by telling you “THE SOLUTION IS SIMPLE”.
I am not a marriage counsellor, and even if I had the experience in Counselling as a professional, there are no “magic-pills” for a troubled relationship, not even in a marriage setting!!!
But, if I may offer my sincere advice:
I’d say, from your story, I found out the following:
1. There has to be something that makes her confident that she can return to marry your husband.
2. The woman is troublesome, because she has lost. And I perceive your husband is doing better now, financially, than when they were together 6 years ago, if not, she wouldn’t be trying to force her way through.
3. You are really scared, and it shouldn’t be that way because you are the one legitimately in the marriage. (except there are things that aren’t clear here)
4. You’re spiritually alert, so that means you can see that there might definitely be a reason to involve your Spiritual leader (your Pastor, or something) so that you can gain a better understanding of the spiritual implications that may follow any action you take.
Nevertheless, I would first and foremostly ask that you stay patient (very important), and don’t repond to her utterances or it will keep getting you worried the more.
At this juncture, I feel you need to have a serious dialogue with your husband (not to make him feel guilty oh), but to strengthen you trust, and love. This is because you need to make sure that there are no loop-holes that exist in your marriage, so that as you fight to stabilize your marriage to your dear husband, people will not find you guilty as things begin to unfold.
If all is well between you and your husband, only time will tell that there is no way for her to get your husband. I believe your husband is a responsible man, knowing fully well that he has 2 kids to cater for, and legally married wife. He should be careful, and should not grant any opportunity for the “strange woman” to lure him into his destruction. This is VERY VERY IMPORTANT. So talk to your husband in a loving manner, and make him realize that you’re here for him, and do things that would make him constantly enjoy his marriage so that NO MATTER WHAT IS OUT THERE “THREATENING HEAVEN AND EARTH”, your bond is well secured.
I hope you even get to read this. And if you do, I’ll like to know how well you’ve handled it.
Or better still, let me not even ask.
Opeyemi E. Obafemi
+234 808 764 7749
opedolls@yahoo.co.uk
God will fight for the righteous ones. His ears are open to their cry”
September 5, 2007 at 12:52 pm (UTC 1)
i’d like to talk to like a relationship counsellor,where can i find one??my husband’s ex has been calling him and sending the both of us all sorts of INSULTIVE txt messages and emails and its driving me nuts.We dont know where she got our details from and she jus resurfaced after 6years,she dumped my hubby then and she feels overwhelmignly gulity and desperate now.i dont know know what i want i or my husband to do.i have 2kids and it really annoys me evrytime i need to scream at the psycho on the phone.she said she is determined to marry him or i wont stay married.what do u people suggest??most importantly ,please include me in ur prayers henceforth please
August 29, 2007 at 4:02 pm (UTC 1)
I have read this article almost a year ago, and it’s still here.
Wow!!! Dipo, that your database is doing very fine…I tell you.
Anyways, Every woman must understand her place else she would be toyed with by a man.
One of the most cherished women in my life had a simple problem, which happened to be my own priority : UNDERSTANDING !!! She thought everything was wrapped up in “LOVE”…but, “Hello?” The man you love can only provide for your needs that you have made him understand, and vice versa. Understanding comes with direction in any relationship, and so both parties must work with a vision for the present, and the future to create their BEST TIMES in marriage!
Happy reading, friend.
Great Job!
+234 808 764 7749
Team 100,
Online Program Director (NIGERIA)
June 14, 2007 at 10:48 pm (UTC 1)
Thanks 4 dat piece. You really delved into the imbrogllio about the feminine folk proper. But, that is Women 4 you.(or let’s follow Fela Anikulapo Kuti Stuff, I mean, they are not Women but Ladies). You would listen to that one that says she can’t love the guy 100% and meanwhile, the guy does 4 you 150%. The bunch of Ladies we have don’t even know what they want;, show them wads of naira notes and the next day, the are sprawling your residence like flies, yet they still claim being wise.
Nice write up, keep it up.
June 12, 2007 at 3:53 pm (UTC 1)
maybe you should write from the female perspective since you got the male perspective locked down..but most guys shrink at the mention of committment from their galfriend so its kinda hard for the gal to bring up marriage(dats practically proposing)
June 7, 2007 at 7:31 pm (UTC 1)
hi dipo,
im kinda confused abou your perspective on female intuition and attitude to relationship. i have found that the only man who has a true, passionate, and gifted insight into women is T.D.JAKES. he understands where people come from and God’s intention for women on earth.
there are no hard and fast rules about women and their abilities/inabilities. different strokes for different folks applies in womenland. everything you have set out has been propounded so many times that its by the grace of God that i can actually say that it is not all true, with God all these theories are washed away. i would suggest that you go and look for TD.Jakes’ book titled ‘cover girls’. its a classic novel that delves into women’s minds.
however, from a fellow writer, big up for your courage in delving into such tricky areas.
May 11, 2007 at 4:33 pm (UTC 1)
God bless the rain that kept me in my office to check my mails today!Dipo, i am sure by now, you will be tired of me saying thanks for the opportunity to be part of this, this article is very inspiring, though i dont agree with some of the issues here.
I have seen over time ladies that were open about themselves and how the men they were open to, changed as a result of the issues discussed, not every man is matured in handling issues, so most times sisters take their time before they open up to any man,as for committing to relationships, i agree to the fact that women are emotional but you really cannot seperate the man from the relationship as the man is the reason for it in the first place, so this will be hard but from the example you gave, the best thing to do is see the big picture which is the end product. i agree totally on being in a relationship based on purpose, as Miles Munroe will always say, if the purpose of a thing is not known abuse becomes inevitable! so when the purpose of a relationship is not known, abuse of it becomes inevitable! so i will suggest sisters especially take this to heart. Every human being deserves to be treated good, so lets sow good seeds into our relationships that will bring great harvest!
May 7, 2007 at 2:51 pm (UTC 1)
Hi I really appreciate your writeup its interresting and educative
There is an issue which I really want to stress and I know definitely
that it will help out any body that is ignorant of that.
I want to talk about untrustworthiness in girls and it’s aftermath
lets for instance when you a guy who is very loving,caring,lavishing and what aview gets a girl and shows her all these love you find out that after sometime the girl will start
missbehaving this is becouse she might be feeling that the guy
cannot do without her cannot even love again if not with her
this conception in the heart comes out into implementation and actuallisation especially when something warrants them to be physically separated and it’s effect hits first on the guy becouse
he has been faithful to his girl he has really trusted her to last.
And when issues of infidelity starts from the side of the girl
you know you can be covering a sin but it can never be hidden for ever one day those secret affairs will come to the open.You that there is nothing like betrayal of trust, it is as dangerous as any thing one could think of.In the first instance you find out that the guy after cautioning for some time he will be tired since he is not with the girl.The next option which he will definitely device is to overlook every thing she is doing and concentrate with his life,but in other to pay back in the same fold he will still be keeping in touch with the girl but in his mind he has really cancelled the idea of marriage may be by the time the girl’s lovers must has dried the oil and gone there way in search of good girl she will then fall back to you by then you know quite alright that nothing positive is going to happen between both of you again.Then age may have counted a lot on her and she will
be left troubled in the heart and the counscience will then take it’s course on her.My advice is that girls should resist any form of temptation that will lead to betrayal of trust and be contented with what ever is within her reach.
March 15, 2007 at 1:20 am (UTC 1)
I was just to add a drop of water to an ocean, i sure hope it makes sense….I needed to point out that the disposition of being made a ‘male’ and a ‘female’ naturally must never be forgotten.
March 14, 2007 at 3:12 pm (UTC 1)
way to go sir but i think your reasons are not totally true.
in the case of communication some men feel a woman should always take the back seat and let the man do the talking.per adventure you the lady earn more than the guy,your outgoing nature would be interpreted as trying to dominate the man.
March 8, 2007 at 12:06 pm (UTC 1)
infact, what u wrote is nothing but the truth. some of the factors
highlighted is working against me in my relationship with ladies.
February 26, 2007 at 12:51 pm (UTC 1)
yes,honestly i njoyed this article of yours,and i will appreciate it if i am given updates on related topics from time to time.
So when u talked of lacking of purpose,i quite agree with that so many women lack purpose,u have to b optimistic,don’t expect every relationship u go into to last.don’t be self centered,and don’t expect much from a relationship which u can not predict the outcome.talk,talk,talk,doesn’t mean u must become a naggying vessel.you can not trust somebody u don’t love,its not just possible.u must have some good mental alertness.once u have all these ofcourse u will enjoy ur relationship,either friendship or marriage.
February 12, 2007 at 6:38 am (UTC 1)
@ Yemisi
I really do love your train of thought and I actually like the way you put your questions;
1. How practiceable are these truths?
Ans: They may be difficult to attain but achievable; if you want to study medicine, the rigours may be evident but people become medical doctors. I wonder why people dont go with the same stead when it comes to relationship.
2. If ur wife is getting on ur nerves by nagging you; slapping her is not a solution. That may the beginning, but sure not the end of him slapping her.
Ans: I definitely agree with you on this because a habit would definitely be formed but if he doesnt do anything and remains passive, the female would also strenghten her nagging tendency.
So whats the solution?
3. Guys are generally evasive and commitmentphobic. A lady who is outspoken and assertive about how she feels may be regarded as ‘clingy and needy’.
Ans: You are actually looking at it from a female perspective which is not absolute. A guy who is assertive and outspoken may be seen to some females as bossy and doesnt listen. Some guys like assertive and outspoken ladies while some dont. I t depends on the beholder.
4. It beats my imagination on how to commit to a relationship without commiting to the subject of the relationship.
How long can one commit to a relationship with an irresponsible, pathological liar?
Ans: You may not understand how this is possible except you are ready to know.
February 9, 2007 at 7:10 pm (UTC 1)
This article is quite informative; a lot of things that will help a relationship. Sounds really nice but i just wonder how Practiceable these truths are. Yes, the weakling mentality, that i think a lot women are guilty of. However, it is no justification for assault. If ur wife is getting on ur nerves by nagging you; slapping her is not a solution. That may the beginning, but sure not the end of him slapping her.
All your points are valid but how acceptable are they to the menfolk.
Guys are generally evasive and commitmentphobic. A lady who is outspoken and assertive about how she feels may be regarded as ‘clingy and needy’.
It beats my imagination on how to commit to a relationship without commiting to the subject of the relationship.
How long can one commit to a relationship with an irresponsible, pathological liar?
.
Anyway, thanks for the suggestions on how we can make our relationships better.
January 1, 2007 at 3:13 am (UTC 1)
In your point about the weakling mentality, you seem to be hinting that your female friend deserved to be slapped by her husband. I sincerely hope that I have misunderstood and that you are not advocating that violence (against either gender) is ever acceptable in a relationship.
December 21, 2006 at 6:32 pm (UTC 1)
u had a nice write up there
its not easy 4 a woman 2 open up 2 a guy like dat,guys takes we girls 4 a fool,even if u ask him if he really wanta 2 marry u, he might run away 4rm u,so why not 4get about dat, if he’s urs it gonna be urs.
November 24, 2006 at 1:47 pm (UTC 1)
honestly i do not not know that this page is as fantastic as this untill visited.God bless
October 20, 2006 at 9:09 am (UTC 1)
@ Jane
Thats a very nice one….
October 20, 2006 at 7:50 am (UTC 1)
If you want your relationship to work as a lady,look at your weaknesses and try to correct them. Then you can now look at your guy’s strength not his weaknesses. Someone once said that “a deaf husband and a dumb wife make a good home”.This does not mean you should be dumb but talk less, nag less and all those things that would annoy him keep off from them.And the man should be deaf to many things i.e ignore irrelevant issues.
October 16, 2006 at 4:09 pm (UTC 1)
@ Angela
it is not about what you like but what the solution is
October 16, 2006 at 3:49 pm (UTC 1)
I did like the…Trust is not Love,Lack of Purpose ,Commit to the Relationship, lack of kingship and lack of purpose….
All that I very much agree with but the earlier comments …well you know my opinion on that…
Nice one.
Angela.
October 12, 2006 at 9:11 pm (UTC 1)
…I have re read the comments and I have to ask …
whan you refer to relationship what are we talkin about?? married or dating.
2) What is this Love you are all talkin about??
What is love?? cos correct me if I am wrong…it sounds like you are referin to Lust or infatuations.
Love is not a feeling it is a choice!
October 12, 2006 at 9:05 pm (UTC 1)
please help??
Who are this FEMALES you are talkin about cos I am one and I do not see any of the in my life or female friends I know?
Is this cultural …as in Nigeria alone or the rest of the world??
October 8, 2006 at 7:56 pm (UTC 1)
Oga Dipo, see i’ve read ur article again and i’m commenting on it again. So from what i’ve read, i need to be more open about my feelings, without being afraid of the consequences or of rejection. I don’t think i’m self centered or am i? Since u know me. Okay, what do u suggest that i do in the situation i blogged about?
October 3, 2006 at 10:27 am (UTC 1)
@ Gift
Thanx for the comment.
@ TLOASCM
Very excellent point; will think about it seriously!
@ Uchenna
If I take a look at your suggestion from a male perspective; I will begin to wonder how many times men have been toyed with for showing their emotions. I really dont think it is about the negative reactions to the principles stated in the write-up but what will prevent you from being hurt in a relationship.
October 2, 2006 at 11:10 am (UTC 1)
my dear dont even blame women for anything first and foremost our culture in africa does not permit a woman to say most of what she feels but i know you wil be saying we have passed that stage yes i agree with you.men tend to toy with women who show their emotions,they have this thing about oh she really loves me so i can do anything and get away with it.like my man game said u cannot just tell a woman that you love her but you have to prove yourself.so men especially nigerian men please try and treat us like your equal and not just a piece of furniture that can be bought over with gifts we are not that feeble minded.
September 27, 2006 at 8:37 pm (UTC 1)
But if we have the opposite of what you have written, we are seen as ladies with opened eyes and men use that as an excuse.
But as usual a very deep insight on what it is we as women require. Very well written.
September 26, 2006 at 4:58 pm (UTC 1)
i had a brighter day tday becos i stumbled upon ur site. i hope u sleep better knowing that i felt like i had eventually found smth i had ben lookin for for so long. but, there is a but. i think u shd employ d services of someone to proof read ur essays b4 publishing as it is my guess dat u are too bizy to do dat.also, d essay! i agree with u to a point so let’s say that i’d revist this page and try read it with an open-er mind. but i’d have expected u write from a guy’s perspctive for guys and let a woman who’s an authority in dis matter do same. but however, no misgivings
September 21, 2006 at 2:50 pm (UTC 1)
@ Modupe
Thanx for the comment.
Just some few corrections;
1) I never said women are to blame for the failure in a relationship.
2) I never said you should keep loving someone who rejects you.
The article above informs women to arm themselves with the following principles to prevent them from getting hurt in any given relationship. It is not about women being wrong but about the wrong perception they bring to the relationship.
I am writing to women because they seem to be the most hit and worried when it comes to relationship and they normally discuss this issue with me.
I hope you are ok with these explanations, if not let me know ………
September 21, 2006 at 2:27 pm (UTC 1)
Hi,
I love your writeups and i must confess that they are really inspiring. However I sometimes 1der why you think it is only women that should be blame for a failed relationship. You cannot keep loving someone who rejects you simply bcos you want a relationship to work. I think you should write an article on what men are doing to contribute to the failure in a relationship so that we can all learn from it. Except if you are saying that your articles are basically for women consuption thank you.
September 20, 2006 at 7:12 am (UTC 1)
Hi Bijou,
Thanx for visiting!
The seven reasons I gave above are quite difficult to follow but they are necessary principles to your happiness.
If I you hate taking injection but you need it to cure your illness, you just have to take it despite the difficulty.
I will advise you to start with opening up to those you are comfortable with, you may get hurt, but you will inculcate a virtue called “courage”.
September 20, 2006 at 1:44 am (UTC 1)
You just describe me when u said, “you are not wired to be closed, you chose to be closed because you are afraid of the outcome of being open.” It’s hard, to bare ur feelings to a guy, at least for me, until i know for sure the guy is really feeling me too.
It is difficult to love someone u don’t trust. Even though u may have strong feelings towards him, u can’t love him completely.
Excellent post as usual. Learnt a lot from it.
September 19, 2006 at 10:32 am (UTC 1)
http://www.conservativecat.com/mt/.carnivals.cgi/416.
September 15, 2006 at 11:15 am (UTC 1)
Noted.
September 15, 2006 at 7:10 am (UTC 1)
@ Kehinde
Thanx for the comment.
Talking is not the same as being open.
Being open is telling the guy how you feel about things (taken him into the picture). Not just talking. Its about communicating which means you allow the man understand where you are coming from.
You know your man better than anybody so you when he is serious about things and when info could properly be relayed to him.
For example, I enjoy watching films. If I am in the middle of a film, it will be difficult to communicate with me even if I pause the film to listen to you, I will never listen to you with full attention. My mind is on that film.
You should know the best time to communicate with your man.
September 14, 2006 at 6:49 pm (UTC 1)
it’s a very nice write up and im very sure lots of women out there will gain from it.Thanks
September 14, 2006 at 6:39 pm (UTC 1)
This is really nice but i feel women are more open than men in relationships. women communicates better than men and im sure that’s one of the reasons why men feels women talk too much.
September 14, 2006 at 3:26 pm (UTC 1)
Thanx Azuka
I am proud of my people toooooooo
September 14, 2006 at 2:42 pm (UTC 1)
Hi,
You write really well. I’m always happy to meet up with other writers on the web — especially Nigerians. We’ve got a lot of talent.